Hey guys, there is no reason to go without while your wife fights the good fight. In some cases the problem is yours and I understand you may be having some trouble adjusting to the weight. In many cases it is the wife who is denying herself sex because of the self-esteem issues that go along with women and weight gain. If this is the case in your situation and your looking for a way to revive your sex life. I've got some tips for you. Believe me your wife is far more likely to stick to her diet and do something about her figure if she is sexually satisfied. If you think your just going to have to wait it out while she shed's the pounds your making a mistake. When she succeeds she's going to remember that you weren't there for her, in the bed when she needed you. You can avoid this sort of resentment and get her to release her sexual frustrations. Although some big gals need no advice when it comes to having sex with their husband or partner (if you're one, please leave your tips in the comment section to benefit others), many overweight women are so concerned about their bodies that they'll refuse to make love or fret the entire time they're doing it.
I'm not a "sexpert", but I once fit the latter description. My hubby would want to ravish me and all I could think about was how my hippo-like butt looked from behind, how I would position myself so my boobs and belly flab wouldn't flap away like a pelican taking off from the water (you know the sound), and how I could avoid movements that would make my back fat ripple like Jello. Not anymore I tell you, not anymore.
If you find yourself fretting about those same things, these tips for enjoying sex while fat may be of interest to you...
1) Don't worry about what your lover "might" think...that's selfish.
If your partner wants you, don't concern yourself with bodily flaws. Making love isn't all about you and your feelings, it's about theirs too. I was shocked to learn that my husband actually felt that I was not attracted to him and, consequently, he felt rejected. Whoa, what an eye-opening piece of knowledge that was for me! There I was, so concerned about me that I thought nothing of how my actions affected him.
Stop worrying. He doesn't care, so why should you? It's okay to be selfish though when it comes to wanting your sexual experience to feel good; in fact, the more you get off the more he will too.
2) Don't cover-up...let it all hang out.
*Gulp*...yet another problem area that my husband spoke with me about. It drove him insane that while in the heat of passion I would grab at my shirt to pull it down in an effort to hide my fat. Do you know why? Because, to him, I wasn't truly enjoying our time together, my mind was focused on my appearance rather than allowing myself to be pleasured and give pleasure...I didn't just ruin it for me, I ruined it for him.
Quit covering and be uninhibited! Start retraining your mind to focus on how good the sex feels rather than hiding your bod. Once you're comfortable letting it all hang out, you'll be singing, "Feels like the first time, feels like the very first time." Really, it is that freeing!
3) Go with the flow flap...there are other noises after all.
Forget about the sound of your fat flapping, it really isn't that big of a deal. Just "Ohhhh", "Ahhhh", "Oh, God", "Mmmm, baby", "Yes, yes", "More, more", and "Oh, right there" your way through it all. Concentrate on his sounds also so you can zero in on what he's enjoying the most during your sexual encounter!
4) Envision a new you and be the aggressor...rock your lover's world.
Fantasizing can open a whole new world of ecstasy with your significant other. I can work myself up in no time just thinking about what my hubby could do with a lighter me. Foregoing the down 'n' dirty details, let's just say I have quite an imagination! Once I get the vision in my head, I seek out my husband and start ripping his clothes off; and I keep the fantasy going while having sex...it doesn't matter that I don't have my perfect physique yet, my husband enjoys being the prey for a change.
5) After strength training workout sex...it does the libido good.
When you feel like a million dollars the last thing you'll think about is fat, so after workout sex is the perfect time for love making. You may be pouring sweat like rain during a Spring storm but that's okay because you're muscles will feel tighter which makes you feel sexier and more energetic. Take a quick shower if you must and then grab your lover and head to your Love Palace for a calorie burning "sexardio" session.
If you're lucky enough to workout with your hubby, make sure you spend some time grabbing his chest and biceps to spice things up a bit.
6) Eat light...for sexual delight.
"Hey, baby, wanna go smack bellies?", my husband asks in jest knowing full well that having sex after a meal that's high in fat and calories is the last thing either of us want to do. If just one heavy meal turns off ones sex drive, imagine how eating like that all day affects you. Eating more nutrient rich foods throughout the day tends to increase your sex drive and makes you feel lighter--you know--so you can play Cowgirl without worrying about squishing your husband.
7) Axe the Waterworks...Constant self-pity is unattractive.
It's one thing to confide in your lover about how sad you are about your weight issues, but constant whining and not doing anything to change it is another story. My husband, though he wishes I hadn't gained so much weight, was still attracted to me--until he reached a point where my daily moping made me completely unattractive to him. Don't let the same happen to you because it will make for one ho-um sex life. After all, it's no fun making love to a Mopey Mertle; you and he will simply go through the motions and not truly enjoy one another.
Lastly, please don't wait until you reach a healthier new you before enjoying intimate moments with someone you love. Always remember that sometimes the best part to the end of any journey are the great times you had along the way.
If your looking for more great ways to enjoy your marriage to a fat spouse who is fighting the good fight I hope you'll check out this website: http://www.momsfightingfat.com/
I probably wouldn't put it quite the same way, but I'm afraid I feel the same way Mountain does. I only wish I wasn't speaking from experience. It is a sad thing when the sex goes out of a relationship. Obesity causes all sorts of trouble in people's sex lives.
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Thank you so much for what you wrote. I am getting ready to go camping for the weekend with my husband. He is very good to me....but for some reason, I have put on about 50-60 pounds since we got married. He is good about it, but I am really really down about it. I do the "pull the shirt down around my fat thing like you said...when I normally like to sleep with nothing on. I know that he is overweight, but I married him when he was overweight and I was not. I sure do hate this. But I will just let it go and have fun as if I was thin this weekend....or at least try. You have gone through this for me!
Some guy identifying himself with the unique and revealing name of "Chris" calls someone an "asshole" while saying that taking time out of the day to call someone an "asshole" under an anonymous guise actually makes one an "asshole."
What does that make "Chris"?
Bonus Question (1 point):
Because he made us laugh, do we like him anyhow?
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Thanks, weetzie. This posting really hit home for me at an opportune time. My wife is definitely what you would call a "mopey myrtle." Her body type is ectomorph (short and petite) and she is by my guesstimation about fifty to sixty pounds overweight. As a formerly petite woman, she definitely has some body issues-- and they profoundly affect our sex life.
On the rare occasion we do have sex, she is constantly fussing and fidgeting-- jockeying for a comfortable position. Oh... did I mention out of breath, too? Things are slowly improving, I must say. Maybe not as fast as i would like, but improvement is noticeable. She is maybe-- possibly-- I hope-- losing the weight.
One tip I find helpful is to imagine her when she was younger and slimmer. It helps take my mind off of the things I would normally perceive as being unattractive. I also have been fantasing about her seeker self during the day. Old pictures on Facebook really do help! lol!
It all may sound crazy or callous of me, but you can't argue with the results. If she feels sexier and more confident, then that's the catalyst I am looking for to implement change in her appearance and health.