My wife has gained alot of weight. She is 5'5" and 270 lbs. Its not completely her fault, she has medical problems and the pills she is on don't help but she should not stay up late at night and eat junk food either. We have been married for 33 yrs. She is 60 and I am 58. Call it a late, midlife crisis but I have become (I dont know how else to say it) extremely horny in the last 6 months. I too take medicine and I am not as young as I used to be but when I do get an erection (wich takes looking on the internet) it quickly deflates when I see what she has become. We are too old to get a divorce, nor would I. I love her dearly . I dont know why I am writing this, although it does help to explain this to some one, or a million someone's. There is nothing that can be done at this point but man is it hard to keep my eyes off all these other sexy women and wonder what it would be like "if only". I know there is no answer other than be happy with what you got.
Sorry, I just had to vent.
I know what you mean my friend, I have experienced that "boner killer" feeling far too soon in my marriage and adult life in general. After losing 60 pounds and looking great, my wife packed all that weight back on, and then some, in a very short period of time. We were in our late 20s at the time, and looking at my fat wife just killed my boner and in order to have sex with her, I would have to imagine that I was having sex with the slim and sexy version of herself. Then eventually it became other women that I imagined in my head while I had my obese wife in my bed. And then it got too difficult to have sex with my wife due to the physical challenges of it, and my mind got worn out imagining that my wife was some other slim and sexy woman and I couldn't do it anymore. And then boners just stopped happening altogether. I wish now that I had left her when I was in my late 20s or early 30s, because the depression linked to that "boner killer" feeling just snowballed and indirectly led to bigger problems that I am now unable to escape. Don't underestimate that "boner killer" depression, it's very real and can lead to all sorts of trouble. Your sexuality is fighting to express itself, and you are trying to repress it because of circumstances. In the end, your sexuality always wins over your self-inflicted repression (unless you go down the "chemical castration" route), and you could eventually find yourself in worse circumstances than what you are now in. Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had dealt with my depression linked to my obese wife back when it first started to manifest because I firmly believe that by doing that, I would have avoided the worse fate that found me. And so that is my basis for advising you to deal with that "boner killer" feeling instead of substituting your right to have a sexual partner that you are attracted to with online porn. In the end, online porn, while being very exciting to look at, leaves you feeling empty inside because as soon as your eyes leave the computer screen, you are confronted with the harsh reality of an obese wife. Sooner or later, you have to deal with the obese wife situation, or it will deal with you. That has been my experience, from someone who wishes he had dealt with the problem instead of self-medicated with substitute pleasures. I wish you good luck on your journey my friend.