Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

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Married2ASweatHog? Married2ASweatHog?
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Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

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yourhumbleservant yourhumbleservant
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

Married2ASweatHog? wrote
Arguing with a fatling is like wrestling a pig in mud; eventually you realize the pig is liking it. The mud is all the phony emotions and acrimony and lies and logical fallacies fatlings are so adept at using.
So true.  Here goes:

Fit spouse:  You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth!  You’re not serious about losing weight, are you?  

Fatling:  Of course I am, I’ve tried, how could you say that?  Consider my feelings, whimper, whimper, didn’t you promise to love me for better or worse ...

Fit spouse:  [cutting them off]. You don’t even know how many calories are required to maintain a healthy body weight, do you?  

Fatling:  blubbering, uh, no ...

Fit spouse:  You’ve remained ignorant of that simple fact when your obesity will probably be what kills you and hurts everyone around you, isn’t that right?

Fatling:  Aaaghhh, why are you torturing me?  I need a cookie ...

Fit spouse:  The difference between a 30 year old woman weighing 200 pounds and one weighing 150 pounds is 700 calories per day.  2900 per day is about what is required for a female to maintain 200 pounds of body weight.  2200 per day is about what is required for a female to maintain 150 pounds.  Its ridiculously easy to take in 700 extra calories a day, isn’t it?

Fatling:  Uh, yea, sniff, sniff ...

Fit spouse:  Knowing what you know now, with a small amount of effort and vigilance you could make slightly better food choices and cut out those 700 calories a day, couldn’t you? Couldn’t you?!

Fatling:  Uh, I guess.  Can I have that cookie now?

Fit spouse:  Knowing what you know now, if you fail to lose weight, isn’t it true that your stuffing your face with those extra calories is more important to you than your appearance, our relationship, and your health?

Fatling:  But I love you, and you should love me unconditionally!  Oink!  Give me my cookie!



One definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result.
LiveLifeWell LiveLifeWell
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

BLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Hilarious!
Andrea T Andrea T
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

In reply to this post by Married2ASweatHog?
2200's a really generous calorie budget and even with the holidays, that would be easy  to work with. If that were the only rule, that's a pretty minimal compromise. I know I've mentioned this before  but  those Eat This! Not That! books would be a big help too .
LiveLifeWell LiveLifeWell
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

I agree AT - I set my daily goal at 1300 calories, when I actually really need around 1900 to maintain (with moderate exercise).  I do this purposely to be able to indulge a little on the weekends with social things.  Some days I am right on or slightly below, but most days I go over by about 200-300 calories, still well below what I need to maintain, as a result I can pretty much eat/drink what I want on the weekends with zero consequences as it evens out in the end.  I might add that even though I don't eat a whole lot on an average day what I do eat is completely nutrient dense (Greek yogurt, almonds, turkey, tuna, vegetables, some fruit and even a nightly square of dark chocolate).  It took a while to figure out what really "works" for me and yes...sadly...it requires cutting some things out, and a little bit of self control but it works and has worked for years.  Do the same thing over and over for a while and you will eventually see the reuslts you want.  It works, believe me.  What doesn't ever work?  Giving up.
Married2ASweatHog? Married2ASweatHog?
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

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Chevalle D'or Chevalle D'or
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

This is such a tough one. Has anyone actually had  a logical conversation with their fatling and been able to keep it there?

I have tried.

The subject is so emotionally laden for the fatling that it is impossible. Like all psychology of addiction, overeating is a shame-laden activity. The state of being obese is shame-laden. It gets to the point where any mention of the obesity or the obese eating habits becomes so touchy that any reference to it puts salt on the wound for the fatling.

From the fatling's point of view, any mention of it is taken as repeated verbal abuse. It doesnt matter how kind or logical you try to be.

I have found anymore that I cant bring it up at all anymore. The last, most honest communication I had with my fatling to show him how much his size hurts and disgusts me never made its point. He only saw it as verbal abuse from me. Now he says I have wounded him so deeply, he doesnt know if he will recover or if he can trust me.


He doesnt see ME as hurting from HIS fat, or our relationship hurting from his fat. He only feels sorry for himself. He has tried to turn the tables so that the issue now is "I cant trust you and now you have to watch what you say because any slight will hurt me again."

Pretty messed up. We are talking psychopathology. None of the normal conversing works here because the addict is thinking in sick patterns.

I am going to look through my storage boxes for all of my old books on co-dependency and alcholism for help on this. Keeping a fatling in your life means allowing the psychology of addiction to run your life and your relationship. I wonder everyday if I am really able to take this on.
Chevalle D'or Chevalle D'or
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

I guess what I am trying to say is, the fatling may agree somewhere deep inside that it all can be explained objectively by way of calories in (eating) vs calories out (exercise). If it were that easy, they could all do it.

What the catch is that the fatling hits emotional triggers and loses control.

All the logic in the world wont help them then.

Married2ASweatHog? Married2ASweatHog?
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

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Married2ASweatHog? Married2ASweatHog?
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

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Chevalle D'or Chevalle D'or
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

Well, gonna show him those numbers and see what he says/does.

Its obvious to me he has lost the sense of what normal eating is. And that is making a long story short.

ANd , yes, I am beginning to see that underneath that very fun, gentlemanly, interesting person is a very elaborate system put in place to protect his ego.

Wish I could kidnap him and drop him on your doorstep, M2.

PS He's not been gettin' any. So we'll see where this goes
Andrea T Andrea T
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

This is the thread that really changed my attitude: http://myfatspouse.org/p/forum_14.html

I copied/ pasted it to my own private journal (Because I didn't want M2 to rip me a new one, lol) and answered the  questions workbook style , comparing my answers  to the ones in  Mary's and  M2's exchange. It took me days to work through it, and mentally I've been working through it since then.


I've been losing and gaining (mostly gaining, obviously)for the past 20 years, reading every book I could get my hands on. To sum it up it was a  bunch of blaming (my mother and everyone else) and placating  (ohhh you poor fat thing, it's not your fault), with accountability never once coming up. The closest book to anything like M2's ideas on the Market is  Die Fat or Get Tough, but even that book never mentions what effect that obesity has on the people aroud you.
Chevalle D'or Chevalle D'or
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

I clicked on your link and it brought me to the main Forum page, but not a particular thread. I really would like to see what you are referring to. What is the title of the thread?

I think that is indeed the issue:  THE EFFECT THAT OBESITY HAS ON THOSE AROUND YOU.

Andrea, how did you realize that you negatively impacted those around you when you were quite heavy? How in the world does a skinny partner convey that to the fat one?

More personally, I am back to speaking terms with my OSO. I have decided not to bring up his weight any more, and if I do, not to be emotional about it. Us being back to some kind of relationship does not mean I want to go to bed with him, or be with him for extended periods or move the relationship forward. I cant. And its all because he is fat. However, I am sure he thinks in some way the green light is on. I think he is going to be hurt when I still keep the intimacy to just hugs. ITs like, sorry, this is a natural consequence to your fatness. It affects me. Its not criticism. ITs just truth.
Andrea T Andrea T
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

Sorry Chevalle,  the thread's  called "My Success With Fatlings"  under the Motivating Your Spouse section.  

As far as the effect it had on others, it's on a few levels :

1.When it comes to my spouse, the way he's been affected is the looks and sexuality dept. It was something I never gave a lot of thought to because I thought he was into big girls, but hadn't realized his standards had gone up.  However, we had the fat talk before getting married, and if I wanted to stay fat I would have ended it as friends,and so he could look for something better. I read a lot of posts by one of the members named Frustrated that could have been my spouse. My heart broke for that man. and I sure didn't want Hub  feeling like that.

2 The other part stems from the medical crises that have happened to my uncle and father in law. My uncle is totally dependent on my mother , who already had her hands full trying to take care of my grandmother. Watching what she goes through, the driving,   the work ,  I have to admit I get angry at it because it was something he could have prevented and now she and my father are bearing the burden.  My father in law's  issues almost put him and my Mother-in-law into such deep financial trouble they almost lost their home (last  I heard it was  almost  200,000 in medical bills ) I saw what a strain it was on MIL, I can't even imagine hubby trying to handle that, and he should never have to.
wife fed up! wife fed up!
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

In reply to this post by yourhumbleservant
My husband when we married 33 years ago weighed 145, he was very active. He started gaining weight in our 2nd year of marriage and now weighs 3 something , I don't know exactly he won't tell me. He has High Cholesterol, High Blood pressure, type 2 diabetes,complains every day of something hurting knees, back, kidneys, you name it he has it and complains . But then he fixes large amounts of food and eats continuosly, the whole time he eats he is in his room laying on the bed, The bed stays full of crumbs under the bed is crumbs. But drinks diet soda and uses no salt but then consumes a whole bag of chips and popcorn and adds popcorn salt to it. We have not had sex for over a year , we have seperate rooms . He comes home from work lays on the bed eats and watches tv and if I want to see him I have to go to his room.If I say anything he gets mad but yet wants me to pity him for his numerous complaints. I'm sorry I don't feel pity I feel anger cause he thinks I am going to take care of his ass when he is disabled because of his weight. He is only 49 and I am 52. I take care of myself he don't and doesn't care. Wants me to work and keep insurance on him so he can come home. I think this is bullcrap.
Married2ASweatHog? Married2ASweatHog?
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

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Porcupine Porcupine
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

Nice excuse to bump your own thread, Fred.
Porcupine Porcupine
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Re: Confronting Fattitude With Logic and Closed Ended Questions

Oh! go make a BFB posts about how obesity should be accomodated like a disability. Fat scooters everywhere. Wider doors and bigger cars. A bigger fatter world.

Do it.