Does your fat spouse try to sabotage your own diet?

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Does your fat spouse try to sabotage your own diet?

I want to know if it is only me... My husband knows he needs to lose weight, and he's been {cheating} on various diets for a long time.  He's in complete denial about how his eating habits contribute to his obesity, and he clings feverishly to the notion that if he consumes enough protein he will somehow lose weight -- as if take-out BBQ ribs are diet food.  I don't know how the pork fried rice, deep fried onion rings dipped in ranch dressing, or the tubs of ice cream fit into the protein=weight loss equation, though.

Meanwhile, I've maintained a careful and healthy weight, but a new medication has me 5 lbs up from where I like to be.  I'm working on losing that 5 lbs (my husband has 100+ to lose) -- and he's constantly bringing me food and trying to get me to break my diet with the pretense that he is being "thoughtful."  When I tell him I absolutely do NOT want him to pick me up any food on his nightly fast-food romps, he still brings junk back (things he knows I like but am avoiding), saying if I don't want it he will have it later.

I've told him many, MANY times to stop this rotten behavior, but he still does it.  The only thing I can think of doing next is taking whatever he brings home for me and putting it in the garbage chute, but at the same time I loathe the waste of food -- and the chance to smash whatever it is into his fat face.

Yes, I'm angry.  I've heard his promises about taking better care of himself and losing weight for several years now, and I know it will never happen.  I've done all I can to be helpful and supportive.  How do I deal with his behavior aimed at making ME fat, too?  Is it some sort of sick "Misery loves company" thing that he's trying?

And as a side note, I've been heavy, too -- I worked my tail off (literally) to lose 60+ lbs and have kept it off since 2008.  So I get where he is coming from, I know it is difficult...  But can someone give me advice on how to get it through his thick skull that it is not cute or charming or helpful for him to continuously sabotage my own dietary efforts?  He's going to stay fat, I get it -- and he'll get fatter and wonder why we haven't had sex in eons.  That's fine -- well, it's not fine, but it just IS.  However, I refuse to allow myself to succumb to the same food coma he's been in for years.

Thanks for giving me a place to rant...  

Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: Does your fat spouse try to sabotage your own diet?

Possible strategies:
1.   Rant here (except responses take some time).
2.  Use the food brought back as an opportunity to make your point.  (e.g., Take the rib dinner that he has just brought you back and say, "Thanks, Honey!  I love when you bring me food because it gives me a chance to share with you my attitude towards take out.  Now look!  I'm cutting it into four portions.  I am freezing these three, and eating this one.  See?  I'm enjoying this one rib here, and very proud that you are giving me the chance to show you how one can divide food into portions!  Yum.  One rib is just fine, and because I have put the other portions away in the freezer, I can enjoy this one rib! etc."  Having to listen to this over and over will be a disincentive.
3.  Do you have a dog?  Time for treats!

Still, keeping up your fitness when he is on the slope going down is tough--no two ways about it.  

I guess think about the things you like and whether they outweigh the weight ...

Good luck!
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
no no
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Re: Does your fat spouse try to sabotage your own diet?

In reply to this post by Enough Said
The food is already paid for, what does it matter if it ends up in someone's stomach or in the garbage? It's excess food that should not be consumed and goes above and beyond your nutritional needs.

Throw it away as soon as he brings it home. Right now your protests are just empty words to him, you need to show him that you can take *action*.
Enough Said Enough Said
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Re: Does your fat spouse try to sabotage your own diet?

Thanks for the advice. Fortunately my medication changed yet again, and I no longer have the same interest in the foods he attempts to sabotage me with. When he brings home something, ostensibly for him but really to tempt me, I simply ignore it and he ends up either eating himself (almost always) or tossing it. Either way, he continues with his behaviors, but they now have very little effect on my own health and well being. If something is at home long enough, though, I do prefer to donate it to a food pantry (if unopened) or to someone who really could use the calories. This is San Diego, California in the USA, and we have a lot of homeless, hungry and impoverished people. It is tragic that anyone would eagerly eat more than their share and then toss out the rest when others are in need all around us...
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