For many years my horribly obese middle-aged wife (well over 400 lbs.) demanded that I 'accept her as she as was' and eventually began to complain loudly, frequently and even publicly (to her friends) about our non-existent love life. 'You/he may have some sort of a problem;' she'd say, 'but I still have the urge to be with a man.' She was always bragging about the approving looks and come-ons she supposedly received from other men when she went to the mall or out with her girlfriends. But I felt sorry for her and, thus, failed to see these boasts as the threats they turned out to be. (Ditto the way she was always showing off her 'titties,' as she called them: as in 'Real men just LOVE my titties.') Then, at a party one evening, I began to realize that she meant business. There was a man there whom she couldn't keep her hands off of and he seemed to be returning her affection, despite my presence in the room. She just laughed when I protested and told me to get over it. When he left, I asked her who he was, she said he was 'a friend of her girlfriend.' I said snidely 'I suppose that makes him your friend too.' I heard her say under breath 'I sure hope so.' She left a short while later with that same girlfriend, supposedly to pick up pizzas. Two hours later they finally got back. Furious, I insisted that we leave immediately. When we got in the car, I noticed that her hair was damp and no longer bouffant. I asked why she'd taken so long and she said that they'd stopped to 'take a dip' in Marcy's pool. 'In what,' I asked? 'Marcy let me wear one of her friend's suits,' she responded. You're lying, Bev, I said. 'Think what you want then,' she responded. 'Did your new friend also stop by?' 'I told you to think what you want.' We then drove home in silence.
The next few days she was secretive and easily annoyed, spending most of the evening in her room and accusing me of being overbearing when I tried to get her to come out. Late at night I could hear her whispering and giggling on the phone. She ordered herself several new dresses, a night gown and, and a bathing suit, something which she hadn't worn in years. I desperately wanted to believe the whole thing was another one of her passing fancies, but I couldn't help but think the worse= that my wife of more than 20+ years, whom I still deeply loved, was having an affair.
A week later she went out with Marcy, telling me they were having dinner with 'friends.' When she didn't return by midnight I drove to Marcy's house. My stomach tightened when I walked up the driveway and heard her coarse laughter coming from the backyard. I hesitated for a second and then decided to leave. But I wanted to believe they were just having a pool party so I went back to look inside and immediately felt sick to my stomach: she was half-in, half-out of her new swimsuit, kneeling in front of a couch on which he sat undressed. My knees buckled and I left stunned. (I still don't know if they saw me.) The next morning she called and said that she wanted a divorce. 2 days later I came home from work and all her belongings were gone.
Thank you for your concern sotired but Im not 'better off'. Im still heartsick and having trouble concentrating at work and even eating. Meanwhile, to judge from the reports Im getting from her girlfriends having the time of her life.
No I realize that you are not better off now, far from it. But from your description it seems to me that she never truly cared about you or your feelings that much, if at all. Eventually however you might find yourself in a place where you can truly realize that objectively and perhaps THEN you will be better off. For what it's worth I feel your pain and hope you don't let this ruin your life. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and, most importantly, concentrate on yourself, your health, and work at finding alternate means of happiness for yourself beyond your marriage. All the best to you.
Tom, I am kind of in a similar situation, although my spouse is nowhere near as big as yours, still pretty big for her height though. Anyway, my wife has started a strict eating and exercise regime for a few weeks now and I have also noticed that she has become distant. I am certain she's not cheating on me (at least, not yet) but I definitely feel she is becoming distant. I mentioned in my previous post that I never told her anything about her weight gain (she had gained 100 lbs) so the weight loss is definitely not because of me and completely self motivated. I am just worried I am losing her as it seems she has lost interest in me. She never wants to have sex and hardly wants to do things together. We don't go out for meals anymore as she wants to be in control of the food and she never wants to skip her gym sessions after work but she doesn't seem to care about me anymore. I tried talking to her about this but she says I am being cynical. Please help?