I have had weight issues my entire life. I've always been the chubby girl. The cute and innocent friend that is the peace keeper. I turned 26 years old on the 22nd of January. Standing at 5'0 my highest weight was 215lbs. I looked 14 months pregnant, I had more than two chins, my back boobs needed their own bra, my long dark blonde hair always looked greasy, and my waist looked like I had a huge tire around it. It was bad. After my husband left me I had nothing. I had $10.00 to my name and no where to go. He was in the military stationed in North Carolina but I am from Hawaii. Plane tickets were ridiculous and I could not tell my mom and dad why the marriage had ended. Why did it end? Because I was satisfied by eating. Eating satisfied what my husband didn't give me. What didn't he give me? Affection, care, passion, love. You know what the sad part was? I didn't want to blame my weight gain on me being lazy or an overeater. I blamed it on a fake failed pregnancy. The fat wasn't only damaging my body but my mind. Id sit there any think, "Why do I lie?". I lied because I was addicted to food. I was addicted to that feeling of memories of certain foods with times in my life. My mom and dad would always give us treats for good behavior and it brought me back to those good times. My addiction wasn't like others. With my addiction, everyone can see it. They see my fat.
Fat is not only damaging to the body but also the mind. The mind controls the body. The mind makes the choices to eat that cheeseburger and to not exercise. The fat mind makes excuses for you and helps create lies in order to feed your addiction.
Several months later, I met a man who we shall call JG. JG fell in love with me at my fattest. He fell in love with my spirit and soul. I've gone from 215 to 186. My mind is starting to ruin it. I sneak food. I lie and say I am working out. I create fake drama so I can feed myself the satisfaction I am addicted too. It makes me feel psycho.
Please, please, PLEASE don't do that to yourself anymore, girl! You're so young...if this,guy loves,you, please show yourself some tough love and realize you're going to be alone sooner or later against.
Do you not feel worthy of being loved? What are you so scared if? Showing that you're a,woman, and vulnerable? We all are.
Tell yourself as many times as you need it that you are worthy, you are good enough. It's just not enough to know you're wrong...you. have to show it. There will be two people losing something special...that man and you.
While he may find another woman, you will have to be with yourself forever...
PLEASE, LOVE YOURSELF! NOBODY WILL UF YOU WON'T.
Hugs and best of luck. I'm sorry to sound harsh maybe, but my husband's obesity has changed him and our lives so much, it makes me sick to hear stories like yours. You've been brave and acknowledged the issue. Now take the next step and love yourself enough to make that change. There will never be a better moment than now.
Identifying that you have a problem is the first step. You could have gotten addicted to any other substance but you just happened to turn to food. It's very true what you say, food addicts carry their addiction on their bodies. Imagine if others had to wear a sign? "I'm a drug addict" I'm an alcoholic" "I'm a sex addict"? It would be humiliating and hurtful and that's how food addicts feel I am sure. Shame is your biggest enemy. You have to over come it. You need to learn how to forgive and love yourself again. I urge you to seek emotion help and maybe a 12 step program. You can overcome this and you can be a new person again. Don't give up. Get some help. I will pray for you.