Fit wife with fat spouse

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disgruntled dietitian disgruntled dietitian
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Fit wife with fat spouse

Little info about myself:   I'm in my 40's, 5'6" 120 pounds, work out 4-5 x week, and I'm a registered dietitian.  So, I basically practice what I preach.  I cook healthy meals and don't really have "junk" food in the house, unless it's an occasional treat for my daughter.  

My husband: In his 40's,  and is probably 30-40 lbs overweight.  This is mostly visceral fat.  He has that "beer gut" that I cannot stand.  He works from home and his on his butt most of the day.

I do all of the cooking, cleaning, and take my kid to all extra-curricular activities. When he is done with work, he either sits on the sofa on his phone or watching youtube,  or doing volunteer shit for church (practicing piano, meetings, service...).  He has time to work out (we have a gym in the garage), but consistently gives up.  I have asked him over and over to exercise and stop drinking so he can lose weight.  He starts for a few weeks then stops once again. I no longer pester him about eating healthy. He has cut back on portions of carbs, but lack of exercise and beer drinking keeps the beer gut on.  

I had another parent ask me if I'm a dietitian, why is my husband still fat? This was a blow to me which led me into a sort of depression.  20 years of marriage and I feel I have failed at keeping my husband healthy.  He was slightly overweight when I married him, and I was a fool to think I would have some sort of positive influence on his health. His dad is really fat, has diabetes and heart disease.  He is on the path the same path.   Intimacy is difficult for me as well.  I don't want to see or feel him naked, because every time I do, I get sad and angry that he no longer tries.  He once told me that I better not get fat if we got married.  The most I ever weighed was 145 while pregnant.  I hate that I look at other men who are fit and wish my spouse looked like them.  What also makes me sad is that he never tells me I am beautiful.  I haven't heard this in over 10 years.  I can put on a new dress, and he will only comment that I look nice only after my daughter does. I know I am getting older, but I have had other people comment that I am pretty and I look 10 years younger.

Sad and really depressed right now.  How can I counsel other people to lose weight and be healthy if I can't even get my husband to do it.  I feel like such a failure.