His absence makes my body happy

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loveinaturtleshell loveinaturtleshell
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His absence makes my body happy

We have sex about 3 times per week.   He never gives up even if it does not get up.   He must have that sexual connection, though, even if it is unsuccessful.   Problem is, he is just heavy and he wants on top bc otherwise, he loses it (gravity helps the blood flow to his organ, I guess).     I have the strongest thighs in town, holding him up!   But even they get tired.  

It feels good his being absent for 3 days.    I am very physically fit, and go to the gym, but hell, having sex with him is like going to the gym!   He just weighs too much!  

I am Wonderwoman, having sex with him.   I am sure I am the only one who could do it.    I am enjoying my time.  I have to say sometimes I wish Viagra had not been invented....thanks for listening to me vent!    LIATS
loveinaturtleshell loveinaturtleshell
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Re: His absence makes my body happy

I am replying to my own message, LOL, how nutty is that?    However...

His absence may make my body happy, but my heart is not.   He has returned home today and was happy to see him.   We had love.  

This is awful, but I studied his genital area.   He has that fat pad and stomach bulge problem.    I thought about the thread about fat causing smaller penis, and how it definitely looks true in my case!  

Now, maybe what I should do is make my vagina jut out more somehow, LOL.   Perhaps that would compensate for his problem (probably not).   VJ has shrunken in a bit due to menopause, plus lost a few pounds and it came from my butt and thighs     So I am the  one losing weight, and he gains it, and our genitals are suffering!

What a world, what a world!  LIATS
Wendy Wendy
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Re: His absence makes my body happy

Sound like your having a good time. Do you have a better time when he's not around? Sometimes I think sex is the least of my problems. My husband is at least 100 pounds overweight. No trouble in the bedroom, but this man will not get up off the couch and do anything else. He lost his job over a year ago and he spends most of his time sitting around with a laptop on top of his ever increasing lap. I know not all fat people are lazy, but my man is getting fatter as he does less and less. I do sometimes wish there was less sex, but I still like it.
loveinaturtleshell loveinaturtleshell
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Re: His absence makes my body happy

It is not that I have such a great time without him there, but I feel less pressure to pretend to be OK with it all.   I avoid noticing and thinking about his large gut.   When he is gone, I don't have all the reminders of his problem.   I can recall when he wasn't so large and out of breath and tired.   My memories soothe me.  

Here is what it is like: (probably sounds familiar to most her at MFS):   He is a big man, and takes up more space than me, so sometimes I end up with a sliver of the bed.     I think that he has a sleep apnea problem bc he is restless, noisy breather, etc.   I am a deep sleeper, so it doesn't bother me too much....I just turn over and go back to sleep.     He takes 1500mg of Metformin per day.   Since he has begun that med, he does not eat quite so much, but he still eats too much.   His weight has seemed to stabilize.   But I fear a relapse at any time.    (To give him credit, he weighed 250 a few years ago and now down to 230).   He is right at 6'.
 
He makes enough money, but has been lucky in his profession too.   Sex is fine for about 10 minutes, until he begins to feel heavier and heavier.   As I said, I have the strongest thighs in town.   I can leg press 2oo lbs (this is true!).    No wonder...

I am 5-4, weigh anywhere between 118 - 126 (varies according to time of year).  

He was once cute, like a Teddy bear.   Stout, yes, but then he had diabetes and he had it undiagnosed for awhile, and probably that caused his weight gain.     I never minded that he did not have the body of Adonis, but he is getting too big and his health is being hurt, too.    I mind that more than anything...someday,  I might not have to worry about sex at all if he becomes ill from his weight.

I have to say he is willing to do anything for me in bed, such as non-intercourse things.   That is  nice.   And so, my legs get a break, haha...   LIATS
LiveLifeWell LiveLifeWell
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Re: His absence makes my body happy

My memories soothe me.

I'm sorry...I just found this to be sad.  Like mourning someone who has died, yet is still alive.  I wonder...do most of the fit spouses feel this way of their fat spouses?  They look back to their memories of what is was like "before."  Before the weight, medical issues, sexual problems, etc?

So very sad.  So very complicated.  

But let me add, all of life is complicated.  Your fat spouse is someone's inability to have a lasting, fulfilling relationship, is somebody's financial problems, is somebody's lay off, you get it.  I know it doesn't help, but just know that nothing is EVER perfect.  sigh...
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: His absence makes my body happy

I spend a considerable amount of time thinking of how things were with Becky and me before she became food obsessed and grossly obese.  Those memories are precious to me despite, or maybe because of, the sad reality of the present.  We don't/can't sleep together because of her size, but I miss having someone to cuddle, especially in the winter.  Sex is out of the question for the same reason, as well as her inability to become aroused.  Yet oh how I long for even a modicum of the passion that once existed, now lavished upon the rich food she greedily consumes.  The contrast torments me and I am at a loss to explain how such a thing could have happened.  I see her out of control day after slothful day and want to shout 'Look what you've done to yourself with your EATING!'
HellzAPoppin HellzAPoppin
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Re: His absence makes my body happy

In reply to this post by loveinaturtleshell
One of the biggest realizations when a partner gains weight and doesn't lose it is that the person you once knew, the person who jumped and ran and who now huffs and puffs when they get out of a car, the person with the angular jawline now coated with a layer of fat under their chin, the person with the once-perky chest which now hangs flaccidly, the person whose thighs didn't touch and which are now full of cottage cheese--

that person is gone.

It takes an enormous amount of effort to get back to where you once were, and even then, it is never the same.

You either have to accept their new shape, or...not.

Fat changes the way a person relates to the world, too, and the way the world relates to them.  

Wishing you luck, it must be difficult with all that weight on top of you. Bless you for accomodating your horny husband , lol...
loveinaturtleshell loveinaturtleshell
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Re: His absence makes my body happy

In reply to this post by Mr Blue
    If we just wanted a brother -sister thing or a celibate thing, we would move in with a sibling or someone we did not find sexually appealing.    But we married these particular people because the promise of sexual love was there as well as just having someone always on our side, ready to fight for us, and do what no one else does.   Of course they shouldn't just eat and eat and eat until they are sickened.   But somehow, something has gone wrong and we are left to ourselves.    We do not feel they are on our side ...unless we are sitting by the side dishes, haha.

Yes, we have sex, but he has to use Viagra quite often, and he does run out of steam even then.   So, while it is frequent, it doesn't last long and is it good sex?   I find myself just making love to the emotions that we have and not so much to his body, if that makes sense.     As I said, he was a cute Teddy bear, but he has crossed a line where it isn't so cute any longer.   I know if he gains more weight, I will not find it attractive or comfortable to have sex with him.     I thought the other day how like a frog he looks.   Of course, there is that story about a Princess who fell in love with a frog.    Then again, I ain't no Princess, haha.   LIATS