Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

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Huntingu1 Huntingu1
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Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

Just like to brag a little bit...............my wife finally did something about her weight and has lost 25lbs or more so far and seems to be serious and very weight loss orientated so far this year........she joined Weight Watchers and its working!!! Yahhhhhhhhhh!!! She decided for the whole life style change instead of a diet and she is loving it, fingers crossed!!
Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

Not "bragging"--just keeping us posted!  That's GREAT!!! So happy for you!  And kudos to your wife  This calls for a fabulous Valentine's Day gift--I'm thinking diaphanous robe (lingerie too risky because it involves guessing size--but a beautiful robe is one size and always welcome and very sexy).  Just my two cents. And actually, a nice long and sincere and passionate kiss is probably more welcome than any tangible gift. No, wait, a tangible gift works...
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Slenderwife Slenderwife
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

Thank goodness! It's like the skies parting!
life on hold life on hold
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

In reply to this post by Huntingu1
Hey Huntingu, gotta quick question(s).  What, in your opinion, clinched it for your wife?  I mean, there must have been a switch that flipped or somethin...  Right?  Dramatic changes, like the one you're describing with your wife, don't come about all that easily for most folks-- unless there's serious motivating factor at play.  Do you have some insight on what that might be?  
stuckinvoid stuckinvoid
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

In reply to this post by Huntingu1
This post makes me smile...really big. That is awesome! So happy for you! Plus, it makes us all remember there is hope...
Even if my hubby never loses an ounce, I hope that every other poster has good news like this.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

In reply to this post by Huntingu1
Though I'm happy for him, I'd also like to rain on Huntingu's parade.   My 500 lb. beast of a wife just spent our week long winter vacation in Miami Beach eating with abandon- after advertising the trip to our friends and her sisters as our annual "lovefest."  When I confronted her in her room she merely grabbed whatever it was she was eating and locked herself in the bathroom.  I had to sit and watch other women making fun of the way she walks behind her back at poolside.  (Yes she wore a bathing suit.)  I was forced to turn away from stares and snickers in the hotel restaurant while she frenziedly ate her enormous meals.  (When we got home I heard her on the phone bragging to her friends about the hotel's food.)  Several afternoons, rather than risking my disapproval, she took off in the van and drove around sampling fast food: but wrappers, bags, receipts, and stained blouses don't lie.  (The woman simply can't eat without getting food all over herself.)  I returned from a walk on the beach late one night to find her sitting on the floor without any clothes on in the middle of a KFC binge.  In despair I cried out 'Why won't you stooooop!'  I am actually glad to be back to work.  
Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

Hello, Mr. Blue!

How did she fit on a plane?
Why did you vacation with her, let alone go to a pool with her?  I mean, her behavior does seem to be predictable.

I'm sorry you had a crummy vacation...
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

We flew in a private plane, good lady, in which there were "special" seating accommodations.  People in our circle take winter vacations, so that is what we do.  (It's not so much what you do there, but all the bragging afterward.)  In other words, it's one more pathetic attempt on our part to keep up appearances.  I was under no illusions Mme.X; I knew before we left what I was in for.  She has used every trip we've taken in last 10 years, business or pleasure, as a gigantic excuse to overindulge in food.  I just come here to recite the sordid details to get things off my chest.  She had bought several new swimsuits for the trip and came into my room wearing one:

Well?
Yes?
How do I look?
It's a nice color on you.
You can't do any better than that?
What do you want me to say, Becky?  If you are comfortable in it that's all that matters.
What's a matter are you ashamed of your own wife?
I didn't come down here to argue with you.

I followed her to the pool to avoid further recriminations.

   
life on hold life on hold
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

Blue, she knows how you feel about her weight.  She knows what you think of her in a bathing suit.  She threw a HUGE sh!t test at you...  She was just wanting to see if she could guilt you into feeling bad about your utter lack of attraction for her.  She wanted to contest you and see if she can get you to be-- for lack of a better term-- submissive and defeated.  She knows that any time you stand up to her and confront her addiction (and shameful life choice) that she can throw a tantrum and get you back in line.  You did this when you hung your head down low and followed her to the pool-- to avoid recrimination.

I don't mean to come off sounding harsh.  I know that I myself have my own battles in my own marriage...  It just breaks my heart to read your stories...  I feel for you. I truly do.  I say this with the utmost respect and sincerity... STAND UP AND QUIT AVOIDING CONFLICT WITH THIS WOMAN.  Let her throw her tantrums.  She's got one foot in the grave... and the other is kicking your butt.  Get mad AT her!!  Ggrrrrrrr!!!!  :-D

Much love, Blue.
stuckinvoid stuckinvoid
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In reply to this post by Mr Blue
Wow. She just sounds so angry Mr Blue. I just cannot understand it.
I mean, why would she even ask you how she looks in her swimsuit. She knows the answer, so why does she and others like her do that ....  ? .... Mr. Blue- you must have just wanted to run!

My husband sometimes gets almost cocky about his weight, as well. Like he wants to rub it in my face, because he knows I don't like it.  
He rubs his belly and makes cutesie comments about it. He walks around with his huge belly sticking out of his shirt, doesn't even try to cover it when he leaves the house anymore. It is like he has just given up....  which I think he has... even on life.
He hates flying. So, we don't go on many vacations. But I feel for you Mr. Blue.

The other day, I saw him feeling really sad, and I truly felt bad for him. Sometimes, I think I forget that there is a person under all that fat and anger. Does that sound weird?
But THEN when he constantly complains about things... for instance about how plane seats are too small for him...then I just get annoyed and start to see the lazy person who doesn't seem to take responsibility. I am just screaming inside "Did the airlines force you to eat all that fast food and junk for the last 15 years??!!"
Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

This post was updated on .
In reply to this post by Mr Blue
Mr Blue wrote
We flew in a private plane, good lady, in which there were "special" seating accommodations.
Hmm. Well, you've said before that money was not an obstacle in your situation to getting Becky help. If you're chartering a private plane for her, that would suggest that money is really not an obstacle here. So let's see   In addition to the place that Andrea suggested a while back (which would require Becky to want to go), there is the two-house option here, and hiring a live-in cook  to makes sure that the kids eat plenty of fruit and vegetables (how old are they?).  
Mr Blue wrote
People in our circle take winter vacations, so that is what we do.  (It's not so much what you do there, but all the bragging afterward.)
Huh? And you are going along with that--why? Why not just take the kids yourself and go?  Why reward her?  She has the money. If she wants to follow and make her own arrangements, fine. But why are you doing it for her?

Sorry!  You just wanted to vent, so to that end: yikes! I'm sorry!  Sounds terrible!  But another part of me cannot help but observe again: you can't change her, but you can Opt Out.

Here, it was a lovely Valentine's morning.  Thursday mornings we've set aside to be together, and today that consisted in snuggling and talking about the kids. I said, "There is something to be said for being able to be on the same beam as far as the kids go, and for being able to talk together and enjoy each other just as we are. So if we die tomorrow, it will have been okay."  "Yes," he replied, "Or we could aim higher. And then if we die tomorrow, we'll die bitterly disappointed." I laughed so hard I almost rolled off the bed.  Then we went out for a modest brunch and each got to our respective work before noon.  Not perfect, but I feel loved, and I hope he does, and we're still working at it, and still talking, and still able to laugh, and that is, I've decided, important.

Wishing you all a happy Valentine's Day!


Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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In reply to this post by life on hold
There is nothing that I can add to your spot on remarks, LOH, but to say thank you for being so understanding.   You have my appeasement of her dead to rights: I myself feel "submissive" in the face of my wife's tantrums.  You've got her "shameless" lifestyle pegged too and, while I'm at it, our whole dysfunctional, loveless marriage.  (What sort of woman would let herself go to the extent that she has?  And to keep eating all that fattening food day after gluttonous day.  Has she no sense of shame, I keep asking myself?  It's gotten so that I can't even look at her without turning away in disgust.)  Having said all that, I just don't have it in me to get "mad" at her, beyond the occasional rebuke.  Anyone who knows me socially or professionally will tell you that I go out of my way to AVOID confrontations.  It's something that I will have to step way outside of my comfort zone to do, but I will try because what you say resonates with a certain part of me.  You are not the 1st person who has told me to 'man up'.  

I don't know if this is the sort of thing that you have in mind, but I did work up the nerve to chastise her the day after we got home from Florida.  She was telling her sister on the phone what a "lovey-dovey" time  we had had.   Fed up with that little piece of face saving deceit, I called her out on it after she hung up, much pleased with herself for again having seemingly gotten away with playing the coquette.

Why do you lie like that Rebecca; do you think your sister and everyone else doesn't know what goes on around here?  

What do you mean?

Don't make me spell it out for you.

What, spell out what?

The fact that we haven't slept together in years, the fact that we no longer even share the same bed, the fact that you admitted to a therapist that you are sexually dysfunctional, which she attributed to your obesity.  Your mother has seen our sleeping arrangements.  You think that she hasn't told your sisters that we are no longer intimate?  When I hear you making out like everything is just fine with us, I have a mind to tell them myself that what your eating has done to our marriage.

(Clambering to her knees)  I beg you not to ... Oh please don't ... I'll, I'll be a laughing stock.  You have no idea how humiliating that would be if they knew I was impotent.

(Walking away)  You don't get it; they already KNOW that women your size have arousal issues.  Nobody is fooled by your Sexy Becky routine.  You need help, Rebecca.  Have you even been on a scale lately?  

2 hours later she was binging in her bedroom on the pizza and fried chicken her "friends" had brought over, naked but for the bed sheet she was using to wipe her hands and face.  For shame.  



life on hold life on hold
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

Blue, I hope you don't think i was attacking your manhood.  On the contrary, I think you're more man than most.  Despite your situation with your wife, you have shown great strength and patience.  You stuck it out for your kids.  That's amazing in this day and age.

Your conversation with your wife that you had quoted was spot on.  She's been putting on airs for the rest of the world concerning your marriage... and you were right for calling her out on it.  Aside from food, she's pinning her happiness on the hopes of fooling everyone else into believing you two are a happily married couple.  That's probably the only thing that's keeping her from hitting rock bottom-- aside from you leaving her.  

Many people don't seek help until they've reached the bottom.  Perhaps ridding her of that last vestige of deceit will shake her up enough to FINALLY do something about her weight?  It seems that the occasional rebuke or chastising isn't cutting it...  It just causes her to slip further into her food addiction.  She gets hurt--then BAM-- SHE RUNS TO FOOD.  It's a pattern I've noticed in your stories.

 A full on intervention is in order...  Poking her with a stick and walking away obviously don't work.  She needs medical intervention, counseling, and an ultimatum-- loaded with consequences that actually have teeth.  Get her mother involved.  Get your kids involved.  She's never gonna be free of this problem, or you for that matter, unless there are boundaries set and enough folks to back 'em up.

Thoughts and prayers my friend.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

In reply to this post by stuckinvoid
"I mean, why would she even ask you how she looks in her swimsuit. She knows the answer, so why does she and others like her do that ....  ? .... Mr. Blue- you must have just wanted to run!"  

The woman disgusts me when she is fully clothed, stuck, let alone in a bathing suit.  You bet I wanted to run.  It was obvious that she'd put on a considerable amount of weight since last year, mostly in her ass  and thighs.  The woman's pushing 500 lbs.  I am not afraid to say it anymore: I can't stand looking at her.  She is simply grotesque.  Yet she continues to fish for compliments.  You ask me why.  Here she is in her own words: 'If you would just accept me as I am, we would be so much happier.'

"My husband sometimes gets almost cocky about his weight, as well. Like he wants to rub it in my face, because he knows I don't like it.  He rubs his belly and makes cutesie comments about it. He walks around with his huge belly sticking out of his shirt, doesn't even try to cover it when he leaves the house anymore."

My wife does the same thing.  When the kids are not around she parades around the house naked with her 'Becky belly', as she calls it, hanging between her fat legs.  I have seen her sitting at the table rubbing it in delight after she's had one of her feasts.  She does the same thing before she tucks into a meal at a restaurant.  She used to wear a girdle when we went out.  Now she can't find one to fit, so you can see Becky belly swinging freely beneath her pants and mumus.  And I'm supposed to be proud to be seen with her?  The whole word knows I am married to a shameless glutton.

How is he in bed?  My wife is so fat she can't even get it up anymore.  
Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

I have a question. I have never heard of "impotence" attributed to women.  So when you write Becky saying, "You have no idea how humiliating that would be if they knew I was impotent" or  else lines like "she can't even get it up anymore," it sounds very strange to me. Women don't have to "get it up," nor are they typically accused of or worried about "impotence," which is usually a term reserved for the man.  Am I wrong that something here does not sound right?
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

That was the term our therapist used: 'female impotence',  Mme.X., to describe my wife's inability to become sexually aroused.  Almost as soon as she became obese, she began wearing a worried expression and staring at the ceiling while we were doing it- then headed straight to the kitchen for sandwiches and Doritos.  (She was formerly a very passionate lover.  I actually used to call her 'Sexy Becky' for real.)  I finally brought up the subject during a counseling session and she was told all the excess weight around her middle, i.e., her enormous, "hellish" stomach,  had rendered her impotent, which was the reason I moved out of our bedroom.  We had a horrible fight that night and I ended up saying to her "Why would I want to sleep with a woman who's so fat she can't even get it up anymore,' meaning become aroused.  Her euphemism is 'my problem', as in Please don't tell them about my problem'.  (Before the last intervention.)  But sometimes she says things like 'I'm fat and impotent but I'm still your wife.'  The bottom line is, her social life centers around, as LOH put it, putting on airs, acting the coquette so people don't know she's destroyed her own sexuality through gluttony- a shameful fact if ever I've heard of one.  Shame on her for even making me write this.  Shame on her for her phony fawning when we are out and inane double entendres.

I have also seen the term used online: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-35414/How-treat-female-impotence.html.
Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the clarification there. Then I'm sorry for making you write it out, too. It is still hard to get my mind around, though.  Neither my husband nor I talk about our sexual lives with our friends, or even particularly want to insinuate anything--and we both, well, both know and don't know that our friends in turn are sexually active--it's all pretty private.  But maybe that is just our "circle," as you put it--the circle of repressed people

Anyhow, I wish you (and all) a good weekend.
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
poolboy poolboy
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Re: Houston we have take-off!!!!!!!!

We have had separate beds for about 1 year now. It was just to difficult to share a bed. With her being overweight, she could not/ cannot control her movement that well. The bed moved too much when she entered, any time she would get up was a problem, turning over in her sleep would wake me up. This was in addition to the constant wheezing and snoring that is still a problem due to being in the same room, also the constant head games was an issue. My wife has always used sex as a negotiating tool. Now I could give a crap, so she has lost that edge. SHe does not try the 'guilting' angle because she knows that I'll be blunt.
Mr. Blue's Becky needs help that he cannot provide. I say he should be blunt and let her find her own help. It's not fair for her to use him as any sort of an emotional crutch for her poor behavior. Empathy be damned.
Any follow up on Huntingu1?