Husbands view of normal

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Jessica Hailey Jessica Hailey
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Husbands view of normal

Hi, I'm here because you guys seem like the ones to ask. I've had 6 babies and 1 miscarriage in the last 9 years. I have a 9 yr, 7 yr, 6 yr, 4 yr, 3 yr and 1 yr old. I have a wonderful, helpful husband who loves our kids, and loves me. Now.. I periodically do p90x (anywhere from 4-12 times a month), I am 5'6", 125 lbs, 37-27-39, healthy BMI, and good eating habits with occasional splurges usually brought on by my nursing 1yr olds growth spurts. I don't think I'm fat - I know I'm not perfect, not solid, not totally toned... But I'm not truly overweight. My husband thinks I am, as in honestly saying he's worried, saying he's concerned I haven't lost my baby weight. I've shown him where I fall on charts to show him I'm pretty average, but he insists I'm not at a healthy, normal weight. He is still kindly but persistently pushing me to lose more, work out more, eat less, use more cream on my stomach, etc. While all the guidelines say I'm okay, I DONT feel okay anymore - I worked hard to get here, and he thinks I'm crazy for being okay with my body and not being worried. I AM starting to worry that he sees something I don't see! I'm logically happy in my skin until he says things that make me second guess myself.. Any ideas on handling this?
hurt hurt
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Re: Husbands view of normal

     5'6 125 is not fat,sounds like a form of control on his part....imo
Sexy Mom Sexy Mom
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In reply to this post by Jessica Hailey
Your husband isn't right about your weight. You're a healthy weight. As you say you're within the limits, so I agree with hurt that it's a way of controlling you. Maybe there are other issues...and as a woman, I say three cheers for you, six kids and that weight! You've done great. Take care of yourself but don't obsess or let your husband tell you you're not an acceptable weight healthwise. My husband has a BMI of over 40...that's obese.

You're not. Hugs
poolboy poolboy
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Re: Husbands view of normal

In reply to this post by Jessica Hailey
Let him know you're trying, but you need time off from the baby- machine role. The youngest is only one year old. I'd say by the time baby is 3 years old, you'll be able to get your old, toned, self back. It sounds like there is way too much stuff going on at your home. If I were him, I would be a little scared when your start justifying your weight  by referencing the charts, instead of just saying that the 5-10 pounds-whatever-, will come off when babes grow up and your body gets a break from the multiple pregnancies.
My wife went from 5'4, 130 lbs (kinda heavy) to 165, then 180, then finally 190. She has never lost the weight, and does not give a crap about it. I've been nice, encouraging, blunt, etc. it does not matter. Your 5'6" 125 does not sound bad, but It kinda sounds like you'd like to drop a few anyway, which, if true, fits in with your hubbies idea anyway. Is it a communication issue?
WuKong WuKong
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In reply to this post by Jessica Hailey
What weight did you start out as? Has it fluctuated much during your marriage? If so, is this the first time the husband is making a deal out of it?

It's not unreasonable for one to desire their partner to stay within 10 lbs of their original weight (assuming no medical problems preventing it - pregnancy is a good 'excuse' until maybe 6 months post birth).

If you're basically the same weight/fitness level you were when you two married, then I would guess something else is going on. If you've changed quite a bit (even if your height:weight ratio isn't unreasonable), then it's only natural he's going to respond. It's possible it's more the change than the actual weight that has him reacting.

I found this site helpful to get a reference point for what weight vs height looks like: http://www.mybodygallery.com/search.html?gender=female&height=163&age=any&weight=54&pantSize=any&shirtSize=any&bodytype=

It only has increments of 10 lbs, unfortunately.
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -
  --  Socrates
poolboy poolboy
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Re: Husbands view of normal

Nice post, Wu.