I’m the fat spouse now. Formerly that title was my wife’s. When we met eleven years ago she was a pear shaped 420 pounds (she’s 5’6”). I was 310 pounds (I’m 6’5”). We were madly in love and had sex several times a day. We used to check into hotels for the weekend so no one would disturb us.
Things have changed. My wife became increasingly unhappy with her weight and decided to have weight loss surgery which was very successful – she lost over 300 pounds! She’s now a size six. After two reconstructive surgeries that removed almost 30 pounds of skin she looks pretty good. I assumed our sex life would remain great and that we’d be able to do a lot more things together. Wrong. She’s bought herself a new wardrobe and expensive makeup. She goes out with her friends on a regular basis (without me). She isn’t at all interested in being intimate with me these days. I’m still up for daily sex but it’s a rare week we do it more than twice. It’s become clear that she’s no longer physically attracted to me. I confronted her about this and she said “I was never really her type” and that without her former padding I crush her when we have sex. She’s not interested in experimenting with alternate positions – she just wants me to finish as quickly as possible and get off her.
I’m feeling betrayed. When she was fat I was plenty good for her. But now that she’s thin and conventionally attractive I’m, to use her words, “a fat fuck.” I was supportive during her weight loss “journey”. I sold my house to pay for her surgeries (over $40,000). Also, I haven’t gained any weight since we met – I’ve actually lost a few pounds. My body is a little worse for wear but everything still works. I’ve never been that good looking but I don’t think my appearance has tanked.
She hasn’t kicked me to the curb yet but I see it coming. We’re at the “I need time to figure things out” stage. I never saw this coming.
Sounds to me like all her fat was burying who she really was all along, but didn't feel as if she had the option to be. Sounds to me like she feels that when she was fat, she had no other choice but to do what she, deep down inside, considered "settling", and now that she feels she's got access to a life she could only watch from the sidelines before, it's all too easy for her to throw away the person who loved her fat or thin.
I hope you're able to access some righteous anger over this. Maybe this is simply a transitional period for her, but the things she says don't seem that easy to come back from.