I'm done

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poolboy poolboy
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I'm done

So after 20+ years of waiting, I told her I'm done. We have no intimacy, I cringe when she enters the room, separate beds, obesity etc.  Mediation is tomorrow. We'll let the home go, there is no equity here. Kids are almost all growed up.
She asked me are you really gonna let the weight end xx years of marriage?
Why, yes, I believe I am!
How dense is that? Has she heard nothing? Has she not seen me moving farther and farther away. She is acting like this is completely out of the friggin blue.
WuKong WuKong
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I hope the best for you, Poolboy!

Please keep us in the loop. We'd like to offer support and hopefully it helps and we'd also like to learn from your journey.

Take care!
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -
  --  Socrates
poolboy poolboy
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Thanks Wu!
It's looking better all the time.
Ron, sorry about that. Mine is really nowhere near that big, but it's the total refusal to modify, even missing simple things like grace, kindness, decent breath. She is also afraid that people will find out.
None of which me hanging around here being bitter would help. We told the kids today, I'm going to a separate room this week, and move out in the next few months.
I appreciate everyone's support.
Slenderwife Slenderwife
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Good luck, Poolboy. I hope it goes well for you.
Ron Ron
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In reply to this post by poolboy
Don't do it PB.  Divorce is not only wrong, but harmful to children.  Plus, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.  Give your wife another chance.  Solve first the hygiene problem and the other improvements should follow, including intimacy.  
Rea Rea
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In reply to this post by poolboy
I'm very happy for you, Poolboy! I, for one, am so much happier after the divorce and so is my child. My ex is also happy- he is remarrying soon (good luck and best wishes to him).

I do not agree that divorce is necessarily detrimental to the children. This certainly has not been the case for us. We both managed to stay calm and at no point did we ever argue in front of our child. There was no drama or trauma.

Poolboy, good luck and best wishes for your future!  

Poolboy Poolboy
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Thanks for comments!
The divorce is already underway. She received her summons today.
I believe that the divorce, and the opportunity to see their parents' happy, is more valuable to my now-nearly-grown children, than seeing two people sludge throughout the darkness only because they have become used to it and are now afraid of the light. I want them to know what love looks like, not the imitation/lie that we have thrusted upon them as part of our marriage.
I have met another person with similar viewpoints, and similar lifestyle choices.  I  am happier now that I have been in decades.
Mme.X Mme.X
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All the very best, Poolboy.  And I agree with you that setting a reasonable example -- doing all that one can, trying honest communication, giving it time, but within limits, and then making one's decision and acting on it -- is a much better one for the kids to see than an endless martyr complex that devolves into hypocrisy.

Be strong, keep reasonable, smooth sailing -- even if there will be, no doubt, some bad weather, at times, to come.  But may the sun shine on you, and may you enjoy it!
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Mr. Blue Mr. Blue
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Divorce is absolutely wrong, MmeX; which means it is wrong even if the consequences of one were expected to be in some way beneficial to the parties concerned.  Moreover, you pose a false dilemma: there are alternatives besides divorce and 'martyrdom.'
Mr. Blue Mr. Blue
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In reply to this post by Mme.X
'(A)n endless martyr complex that devolves into hypocrisy.'

A la, Mr. Blue?
sexy mom sexy mom
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In reply to this post by poolboy
I am too! Telling my husband in a couple hours.
Will post.
Too many kgs...too much money invested in slot machines...no excuses!
See you all on the other side.
WuKong WuKong
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In reply to this post by poolboy
Looks like I'll be joining the 50+% of divorced Americans as well...

She's pushing for divorce. So much stress/tension seemed to instantly vanish from the relationship. Planning for the worst, hoping for the best.
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -
  --  Socrates
poolboy poolboy
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Sexy Mom and WU!
Congratulations!
I think it is a great thing here. It's a pain working out new housing, but overall things are looking very good here.
Please post details as you can.
Wishing you both luck from So. Cal.
sexy mom sexy mom
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Thanks Poolboy and congratulations to you and to WuKong.

It feels odd having said it and actually done it. My oldest son supported me. My sooon to be ex husband seemed surprised at the timing but not at the fact...My son says that I should give him a chance if, as he has promised, he will "get on it"...frankly I don't think he will...he didn't seem shocked enough. I had been saying it for such a long time...I said it is my final decision and gave him time  to come to terms with it. But it is over...

Good luck to all! Will keep you posted.
poolboy poolboy
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SM
You've given him several. I don't know how the love can still be there. Mine was worn away a long time ago, but If you think there is still something there, then , sure, take your son's advice. But if you are like me, then staying would only be for a memory of a shadow long gone. There are brighter things waiting out the door, and I'm not getting any younger... Good job, and good luck.
WuKong WuKong
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In reply to this post by poolboy
Thanks Poolboy and Sexy Mom!

So far, it looks like we are parting on good terms and are being very cooperative and supportive of each other. Communication is not too bad, probably better being that it is not backed with all of the tension of trying to force something to work that just won't.

We're going to finish out our lease and then go our separate ways. The plan is to do our best to stay in the same school boundaries and have the kids every other week.

I was willing to stay for them but, that's not good enough for her. She wants to be desired and romanced as if she were being and doing the things that would inspire that in another person. Oh well.

I'm both afraid and excited for the future. I'm looking forward to not being in a (committed) relationship. There's going to be a lot of difficult situations to come with our arrangement but, I don't really have a choice in the matter.

Apologies if the thoughts are scattered. Obviously the pending change has put a lot on my mind.
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -
  --  Socrates
poolboy poolboy
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Same here, Wu. Scary stuff leaving the darkness and being reaccustomed to the light. I'm sure you will do great.
sexy mom sexy mom
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In reply to this post by poolboy
Yes Poolboy...
I agree...I think he's even relieved now that the first shock has worn off...being a less than good husband in many ways has taken its toll on him as well... He just doesn't want to be alone and as I have assured him I will be there...but as a friend, he seems to think it enough...I hope in time he will actually start doing something good for his health too.

It's going smoothly and now all we have left is to set a timeline for the paperwork...before end of year probably.
 As you say, it's scary but exciting and I needed the challenge.
Courage has a reward of bringing my dreams closer.

Good luck and hugs .
poolboy poolboy
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My cleared this month. Going out tonight to celebrate.
poolboy poolboy
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NOt a smooth process, I expected the ex to be somewhat cooperative.
Nope. she argued every little single line of sh** she could grab onto. Even made some up. But it is all done now!! :)
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