I need insight

classic Classic list List threaded Threaded
9 messages Options
WhatToDo WhatToDo
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

I need insight

So, I'm young. We're a young couple, and we're not married, but we've been dating for two years. I'm a 23 year old male, I don't eat extremely healthy, but I work out regularly, and i'm fairly fit. I've been really focusing on looking better recently. When I began dating my girlfriend (she's 22), she was not skinny, and I was okay with that. However, the more time passes, the more I begin to see her true personality as well as traits I don't like. She has a terrible habit of watching TV. It is essentially all she does with her spare time, either lay on her couch to watch TV or lay on her couch to watch youtube. This is the first thing that really bothers me. The second thing is, she has gained a decent amount of weight in the time that we have been dating, and it only seems to go up and up. I've had such a hard time getting her to eat a bit better and to go to the gym, but she loves food and hates physical activity of any kind. I really love this girl, i love her as a person, but i hate some of these habits. Recently, i've gotten her to start going to the gym once, or twice a week at most, but even then it seems like she's kind of half assing it. Lately these things have begun to bother me more and more to the point where i start to get angry just thinking about it. We've talked about it before and even have had fights, and she acknowledges it and tells me that she worries about it too, but i feel like her will to change this is very weak. She has even admitted to me that she has no determination to go to the gym and has only been going those few times because of me. Now every day i wonder whether or not it'd be possible for her to be able to work towards her goals (she wants to be fit too, and has problems with her health) or whether this will lead me into a corner in the future. If nothing else, I feel like typing this out will make me feel better at least. Is it wrong for me to want to have a fit partner, if i put in the work too? I feel like this is very one-sided. She likes looking at her fit boyfriend, and I would like to have the same too.
SofaKingDunn SofaKingDunn
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

GET THE F*$K OUT NOW!! She is literally showing you what type of person she is. Do not waste another minute trying to change her into what you want her to be. Take it from me, even if she shapes up for a while she will always go back to what she is. You are only going to make both of you miserable if you stay with her. I wish I would have left mine back when we were dating. Now I have a daughter and an obese spouse that I absolutely am not attracted to at all. I know that you think you love her and that you may be able to overlook her flaws, but you only have two years invested with her and no kids. Now is the time to bail. Good luck.
Coach Coach
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

Great advice.

If her mother is a fat lazy coach potato she will also be one in most cases.  She will only get fatter and lazier.

Run like hell!
disappointed disappointed
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

In reply to this post by WhatToDo
You sound exactly like me circa 15 years ago.  She will never become what you want her to be.  Years down the road, if you're still together, she will get really bothered by the fact she has not gotten the amount of sex that she expected from the marriage, and then she will blame it on you.  She will never figure out that it was her obesity that resulted in less sex than she'd hoped for.  No amount of love will ever overcome the lack of lust in the beginning of the relationship.  Get out now my friend, while you still can.  Next thing you know you're feeling trapped, and then you will really start to know the true meaning of resentment.
SofaKingDunn SofaKingDunn
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

Lol. Disappointed it sounds like you and I are married to the same woman.
Coach Coach
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

DO NOT get this woman pregnant! Fat women are terrible mothers and the incidence of birth defects is very high with fat mothers. Also, children of fat mothers end up fat and unhealthy adults.
Sassafrastea Sassafrastea
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

In reply to this post by WhatToDo
You came to the right group.  I am new but I have read fantastic advice here.  My husband puts his food and his control issues above everyone in our family.  Everything in our home is on his timetable.  I do not see denial.  I see selfish behavior.  I have a boss, she is very obese.  She has the most major mental issues that I have ever seen.  Now I see obesity not as a cause but as a symptom.  She is not mentally sick due to her obesity in life, IMO.  Her obesity is a bright red flag that points to narcissism.  It is a symptom of her mental illness.  She will take care of herself first and not take care of anyone else.  And she abuses the crap out of people she can get away with abusing.  There is always a scapegoat for my boss.  She will NEVER take responsibility for any failure.  She says she does but then turns around and lashes out.  So now I see what obesity is for itself because of her, and this great site.  I am wiser now.  I take care of myself.  I refuse to deal with their issues.  Just call a spade a spade and take care of yourself because the obese one will take care of theirself first.  And you lead a truer happier life not trying to fix a mess that you didn't create.
Coach Coach
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

Sassafrastea wrote
You came to the right group.  I am new but I have read fantastic advice here.  My husband puts his food and his control issues above everyone in our family.  Everything in our home is on his timetable.  I do not see denial.  I see selfish behavior.  I have a boss, she is very obese.  She has the most major mental issues that I have ever seen.  Now I see obesity not as a cause but as a symptom.  She is not mentally sick due to her obesity in life, IMO.  Her obesity is a bright red flag that points to narcissism.  It is a symptom of her mental illness.  She will take care of herself first and not take care of anyone else.  And she abuses the crap out of people she can get away with abusing.  There is always a scapegoat for my boss.  She will NEVER take responsibility for any failure.  She says she does but then turns around and lashes out.  So now I see what obesity is for itself because of her, and this great site.  I am wiser now.  I take care of myself.  I refuse to deal with their issues.  Just call a spade a spade and take care of yourself because the obese one will take care of theirself first.  And you lead a truer happier life not trying to fix a mess that you didn't create.
Obesity is not a symptom of some deep mysterious mental illness per se IMO.  The constant self-indulgence with yummy food causes the selfish and narcissistic behavior and reinforces it. Fatties condition themselves to be self-centered and irresponsible. They lack humility. Go onto a weightloss forum and dissect the language fatties use as well as the content. They use personal pronouns at double the rate of normal people any they are constantly looking for a reason to blame for their failure. Then they ask the dumbest questions regarding nutrition as a way of feigning ignorance to justify their failure. When they lose a few pounds they constantly seek accolades from the other losers.

 70% of Americans are fat or obese and I really doubt that even a tiny % of them have any profound mental illness. What they have are cluster B personality disorders and the cluster B disorders are IMO in that gray area between moral illness and mental illness. The narcissist and the histrionic and the borderline personality do have some features that mimic mental illness but IMO they are moral failings to a larger degree.

The behavior of gluttons is pretty much the behavior of drunks and druggies. Yes, their brains are a bit different but they are the cause of those differences. Chris Farley was a druggie and a glutton. When he quit recreational drugs his drug of choice was food. Food kills a 100's of thousands more people that recreational drugs and alcohol.  

The cure is straight talk and tough love.
GladSheLeftMe GladSheLeftMe
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: I need insight

In reply to this post by WhatToDo
I would have to agree with everyone here.  Get the hell out now while you still can before you are married with kids and stuck in that situation.  My G/F who gained 70+ lbs in 2 years just dumped me a few weeks ago and I think it's probably the best thing that could have happened to me.  I just posted my story here in the same forum area if you want to read it. It's very similar to yours.
Loading...