Is this fair?

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Is this fair?

Here is some background.  I've been married for seven years and have a 6 year old daughter.  My wife was never super skinny, but totally average weight and looked great, about 5'5 and 130 lbs or so.  Over the course of our marriage she has gained about 50 lbs completely changing her not only physically but mentally as well.  The weight started to come on well before our child.  I have always been into taking care of myself and eating right.  I wake up at 5 am 4 days a week to hit the gym before work and I try hard to avoid certain foods that I love.  I have had about 3 of those dreaded conversations about her weight, each time trying a different tactic to bring up such a sensitive topic.  Bottom line, I'm totally not attracted to my wife and have not been for a while.  Also, I have a really big crush on someone I work with, a feeling I have not had for some time now that I really do miss.  I try to get her to join the gym with me, take walks with my daughter and our dog, and go for bike rides with my daughter as I often do.  She refuses to engage in any form of physical activity.  I believe that when you get married you are signing an unwritten contract that you both agree to maintain and take care of yourselves as best as you can.  I have never been into heavy women and I never will be.  So, is it fair that my wife gets to sit back and eat cheese fries and get to be married to someone who busts their ass to look good for them, while I am essentially embarrassed to go out many times?  I understand that many will think I'm shallow, but I'm just being honest with my feelings.  I can 't take the frustration any more.  I am losing sleep over this and spend way to much time obsessing over it.  Someone please HELP!!!
mariah22 mariah22
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Re: Is this fair?

Hello,
No I dont think this is fair either. That's the main problem with me, I want things fair. I work hard to
take care of myself, I weigh the same as in High School plus 2 #,  and decided many years ago to live to 90 or 100.  Im 55 but look 45 or even way younger
than that.My husband from the age of 20, always claimed to be "old". I was embarrassed when my next door neighbor
at a house we lived in talked about her friend who married a man 20 years older and was realizing she wanted me to admit my husband was way older. HA! He IS older, by 2 months only. He looks so much older than me, she thought I married a man 20 years older! YUK!  For a long time, I didnt complain about his weight. But it really is getting to me after 33 years of marriage. Sometimes I even get carded.  10 years ago they thought I was 21.  He would gain, then lose it. Never have I seen him with the beautiful bod that he had when we met. He was so HOT then!  I have desires and he seems to have none. Im left out in the cold. Im finding myself very resentful and making jabbing comments, like, that cake isnt good for you when you cant even see your feet. I keep saying WE need to join a gym. OR I bought this natural powder to make you lose weight, just put it on your meals.  Why cant he want to take care of himself? Im ready to get the nursing home insurance. In the meantime, a very attractive man started flirting with me. WOW! HE has a hot bod! AND he's very good looking. On the free market, thats what I could get. WHY CANT MY HUSBAND FIX HIMSELF?