Just a Reminder

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sad sad
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Just a Reminder

Just a reminder that if people post offensive things, it's better to ignore them than to engage them!

The stupider and more offensive the posting, the less it deserves the courtesy of a reply--even in disagreement.

Ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore....

As someone (Jim Fahy, I think) said about child-rearing, "Save your words for good times..." or, in our case, for real things ...
Andrea T Andrea T
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Re: Just a Reminder

Sad,
My only thought in this fracas is "Where's M2?"

He accuses people of being FA Infiltrators, and here's one right out of the fatosphere...I was just sitting back and waiting for the fireworks.

I also tend to be pretty defensive of my friends. My best friend is obese and diabetic, and it terrifies me for her because I've seen the road ahead. As much as I know she needs to lose weight, when some idiot yells out "Jenny Craig" at  her from a moving car when I've convinced her to take a walk with me, I have to use all the maturity I have to not key the abusive twit's side door. I understand the impulse, but this is  definitely the wrong place.

I'll bet Zizzy's a drive-by anyway. People like that usually get a quick, curt reply, and are never seen again.People like that always show how much this site is needed  by demonstrating the attitude that most  fit spouses are up against.
yorktown38 yorktown38
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sad sad
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Andrea T wrote
People like that usually get a quick, curt reply, and are never seen again.
Amen.
Andrea T wrote
People like that always show how much this site is needed  by demonstrating the attitude that most  fit spouses are up against.
Yes, and that's also one of the reasons that I'm generally against censorship.  Besides, idiocy generally hangs itself with its own rope.  Most of the time, all one needs to do is pause while the little light reading "Exhibit A" starts blinking.  
Andrea T wrote
I also tend to be pretty defensive of my friends... I understand the impulse.
Yes, although Zizzy was loaded with other issues, too, that will make her marginalize herself for reasons far beyond weight.  

But all in all, I think that this site is best when it sticks to describing one's own situation, rather than posting fat pics or preaching.  Ultimately, what helps is just knowing what someone else is going through, and getting honest responses offered in good will.  And even when things aren't going so well (as with me, this week, unfortunately), it's just nice to know that you're all there.  Thanks.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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sad sad
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Re: Just a Reminder

Dear Rallen,

I'm sorry not to have replied to your posting about my husband's lack of libido.  Somehow this week I haven't had the energy to articulate much of anything, having spent all of my ability at a nerve-racking work meeting this past weekend, and the thought that my husband might actually be turned on by anything, even the thought of my having an affair, made me smile into silence.  

Thank you for offering your thoughts.  I don't think he wants me to have an affair, though.  In fact, he left a magazine article on my desk Wednesday about an 80 year old who said that fidelity in marriage was the most important thing in life.  I assured him that I had, in fact, been faithful.  Now, why, you are thinking, am I being faithful when he shows no interest in sex?  But you understand, also.  It is why you stick with Becky despite the fact that anyone with eyes in their head and advice to give tells you to leave her.  "His duty"?  Yes, he knows it well.  And being reminded of him makes him feel worse, which compounds the cycle of self-loathing.

His depression is as debilitating as Becky's addiction.  Unlike Becky, however, my husband does try to do things to show his affection--he made a nice dinner last night, he cleans up the kitchen, he left dinner for me in the oven when I had to work late.  I know that he is trying.  

But it is such a complicated dynamic.  When I broach the topic, he takes it as a criticism.  When I asked (just now), "Well, it's been a month since our Valentine's Day talk.  Any progress to report?"  He said, "I was getting along with my wife much better until she started to push things again."  (A joke).  I tried to elaborate but it felt--how can I say it?--as though I was bombing, inarticulate, selfish, scattered, had nothing to offer.  He said, "Why do you keep expecting me to solve your problems?"  I said that I didn't mean all this as a criticism of him, that I wanted us to be solving our problems as a couple together.  But it all came out wrong.  I felt like a nag.  I fell silent.  I felt a stupor coming over me, as though my brain were draining of idea and energy.  I felt low and heavy and slumped.  The 114 pounds of me felt like a ton.  But I got myself into the office again.  And checked MFS.  

Late for a meeting...  Thank you, Rallen, and good luck at the wedding.  I know they're hard.
rallen rallen
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Re: Just a Reminder

"'Why do you keep expecting me to solve your problems?' I said that I didn't mean all this as a criticism of him, that I wanted us to be solving our problems as a couple together.  But it all came out wrong.  I felt like a nag."

Your problems?  Not by a long shot.  Nag?  No blanking way.  You are only hoping for what every red-blooded American female deserves: a husband who longs to be with her, who CRAVES her body and warm embrace.
rallen rallen
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"Good luck at the wedding.  I know they're hard."

She horribly embarrassed us with her slovenly dress (sweat pants and a men's polo shirt) and non-stop eating.  I spent most of the evening pleading with her to show some restraint while the other couples socialized and danced.  When it was time to leave, she could hardly move.  No one even thought to invite us to the after party.  In the morning as I was checking out, a lady said to me 'You lovebirds must have wanted to be alone last night, I didn't see you at the bar'.  Yeah right.
sad sad
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Re: Just a Reminder

Hi, rallen.  This is one of your postings that make me wonder if what you say is true.  
rallen wrote
"In the morning as I was checking out, a lady said to me 'You lovebirds must have wanted to be alone last night, I didn't see you at the bar'.  Yeah right.
That remark does not seem possible to me.  It does not ring true.
And why would you take Becky to a wedding, anyhow?  And why would she wear sweat pants instead of a mumu, beloved amorphous attire of amorphous bodies?  

Anyhow, if all of it is true, I would vote for your leaving her at home where she wants to be.  

Late starting work ...  gotta run...

rallen rallen
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Re: Just a Reminder

Dear sad,

The woman in question, I believe, was trying to place the onus upon me, making it look like we had distanced ourselves from them, rather than vice versa.  Her remark was a ruse.  And if I hadn't taken Becky?  Not only would I have heard it from her about how 'I'm embarrassed to be seen with her' but I would have had to field questions about her absence.  Making phony excuses is not my forte and the truth is too painful to reveal tete a` tete.  As for her attire, she wore sweat pants out of sheer spite when I made the mistake of saying 'You are not going in those are you'.
rallen rallen
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Re: Just a Reminder

Sad,

Your incredulity is perfectly understandable, though.  I am well aware of the fact that some of my posts are bizarre.  Addiction has warped my wife's personality.
rallen rallen
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Re: Just a Reminder

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Sad,

The bottom line is, I desperately need this forum.  I'm here for you.  Please don't make me feel unwelcome.