Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

classic Classic list List threaded Threaded
12 messages Options
loveinaturtleshell loveinaturtleshell
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

It is good that me, TurtleLover, has very strong legs from years of running, yoga, gym rat, all that.    His body on mine, and my legs are just holding up things, it feels like I am a machine.   Where is my pleasure?   I like it for about 5 minutes, then it gets to be a thigh and butt workout for me.    I start to feel the strain, but I keep my body lined up and relaxed and leaning back on elbows, pillows plumped up behind me, and I think it feels alot like the leg press at the gym or other leg weight training devices....then he has to shift about bc his knees get tired (they too hate the +200lbs of him).    And when he stops to move back into place (so he doesn't slide forward )...that is when I really detest it.   Just detest it because this little readjustment means there is 5 more minutes.   He has to work hard to finish off, of course.   About half the time he can't.   Then he flops over, out of breath, I slowly get up, and he says, "Wait, just give me a minute.."   Hell.    Sex is down to twice a month now.   I think he would like more, but I think his body isn't up for it.    

My back thighs were sore today, but, heck, what else can they be??   I am surprised I do not have any back pain.   I am very into fitness and do alot of stuff to keep myself in good shape (I have great abs)....but I wonder what it would be like with a different man....one who was my equal in fitness and all that.   Maybe I would be the one who cries Uncle.   I do not think my partner deserves me to have these thoughts of him.   He did all kinds of stuff around the house today that would cost us the earth if we had to pay for it.    Yet, well, I guess you can't have everything.
WuKong WuKong
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

I couldn't tell you... It's difficult for me to try to visualize something else when my wife is having sex with me but, what's more difficult is trying to convince my mind that I'm not feeling what I am...all the fat rolls, the weight...
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -
  --  Socrates
Mr. Anonymous Mr. Anonymous
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

In reply to this post by loveinaturtleshell
With my ex-obese ex-gf, when I was forced into "duty sex," I would prefer positions that minimized the impact of fat and the belly rolls. For instance,I would refuse to let her get on top of me because that would simply be too painful.
loveinaturtleshell loveinaturtleshell
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

He tries not to put all his wt on me when on top.   We have had a good time when I am on top.   Anyone else confessing to liking the lights off in order not to see the FS's body too much??   I will close my eyes and fantasize.   I wish I could listen to my MP3 player.   Just leave out the noises of his hard breathing, the slap of fat flesh, and the grunts.   He can just feel like his penis then, and I don't have to sign on for the rest of him.    However, the past 6 weeks has only seen 3 events.   He is having health problems.   His feet and back is hurting.   Dr told him losing wt will cure that.   His liver function was off, too, and he tires more easily.   Thoughts of an affair cross my mind.   I think someone out there likes me.   Well...for now, I will not take the risk.
sexymom sexymom
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

I totally agree...lights better off...I fantasize about this guy I like that is on the other side of the world. The attraction is definitely , if not gone, seriously missing. This other guy won't give in, cos he's pretty decent and says I should work on my marriage. I am going to counseling. He thinks It's not for him. If this other guy was near...it would definitely be a temptation. Too much...fortunately he is so far away, It's completely out of the question. And nobody I know who is near me attracts me in any way. I'm getting to the point that I'll burst and just start saying everything I think in a not so nice way...I really fear that. But maybe It's the only way ahead...if there is a way. For now, I'm not cheating. Too complica not just sex....It's not trying to keep healthy, not trying to say what you feel, not wanting to hear me out either...ed. But if this goes on...I don't know. Itsy
Mme.X Mme.X
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

Quick reply-- am trying to work these days and not spend time on MFS.  ( Please forgive my not replying to other threads that deserve responses or hellos...)
sexymom wrote
The attraction is definitely , if not gone, seriously missing.
Some of that is a normal part of marriage--we are biologically programmed not to keep generating the "in love" hormones after a certain amount of time with the same person--but it doesn't mean they are simply gone, only that one has to work to recapture them.
sexymom wrote
If this other guy was near...it would definitely be a temptation. Too much...fortunately he is so far away, It's completely out of the question. And nobody I know who is near me attracts me in any way.
I hear you.  I hear you.
sexymom wrote
I'm getting to the point that I'll burst and just start saying everything I think in a not so nice way...I really fear that.
It is true that things said cannot be unsaid, and insults can damage sexual relations.  I do regret the one time I burst out with a fat-insult--it really deeply bruised him and made him feel that he could not be sexual.
sexymom wrote
I am going to counseling.
That is very healthy.  Good for you!  Decide what you really want and discover what you really feel, and no one, no one knows that except for you.

Things here have had an upturn, but I am too superstitious (and too busy) to want to write about them, except to say that this process is such a long one, and so complicated, and that sometimes a big (if productive) change can start to make a difference.  

All the best to you, all, if I don't post for a while.
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
poolboy poolboy
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

This is a weird icky post. Not quite "50 Shades of Grey" material, is it?
"I wish I could listen to my MP3 player"..
lol
Or maybe a movie?

The only time that I have seen movement and a recognition from her that there was an issue was when I've been blunt. When I pussy-foot around the fat-ness stuff, she just goes on with business as normal.... Like now.....
Sex is definitely a lights-off issue, and I do not go near the tummy rolls, or thighs, or large butt, ... You can understand how this might be getting tricky, I'm running out of a landing strip.
It's been a month or more anyway. We've gone for 6 months to a year without.
Fantasizing does not work for me, at least not during the session.
But I do like the idea of an attractive, slim, fit woman riding me........
loveinaturtleshell loveinaturtleshell
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

Things have changed enormously for me in the past few months.   Partner is no longer interested.   Something has clicked "off" within him.  It really occurred not long after he had some worrisome side effects with ED drugs.   His BP spiked, chest pains, and just severe stomach issues with the meds.   Oh, and he has put on another 15lbs....great!  

My legs are doing other things now...running, walking, and I suppose they do not miss the bedroom antics.      I do sometimes look at him with desire.   Why, you ask?   Oh, because I am in love with his inner self.   His outer self, well...that's harder to do, but I recall when he was 80 lbs lighter and just a sweet, cuddly Teddy Bear of a guy.    I wonder if I caused his overeating?   (He says not, what goes into his mouth is nothing to do with  me)....still...

I think there is a point of no return in all this.   Eventually, the obesity wins.   It takes over, and is in control, and not much can be done.   I know, that sounds defeatist.   But I can see how the fat had sucked the energy and the life from him.   I know, fat is not a metaphor, but I guess I need to get a grip on this, and making things a bit less about biology and more about the mystery of the human body helps.   Or at least doesn't hurt...    LIATS

Mme.X Mme.X
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

I checked the site today because I wanted to see how it was doing this week, but I am crazy-busy in the middle of a late dead line.  But my heart sinks at this post, and "sexy mom"'s on the other thread.  
loveinaturtleshell wrote
I do sometimes look at him with desire.   Why, you ask?   Oh, because I am in love with his inner self.   His outer self, well...that's harder to do, but I recall when he was 80 lbs lighter and just a sweet, cuddly Teddy Bear of a guy.
Yes, yes, yes.  Except that 80 pounds lighter was not a cuddly Teddy Bear; it was a handsome Nordic type.
loveinaturtleshell wrote
I wonder if I caused his overeating?   (He says not, what goes into his mouth is nothing to do with  me)....still...
Yup. Here, too. Although here it is worse, because he spent all day yesterday in bed instead of going into work.  I asked him, was it because I had asked him about the dentist in the morning?  He said not.  But it just feels as though he's sinking to the bottom, the bottom, the bottom--and I don't know how bad it could get.  On the other hand, today he took the kids to their soccer game while I am at work... so I need his help desperately (and probably should not be typing this).
loveinaturtleshell wrote
I think there is a point of no return in all this.   Eventually, the obesity wins.   It takes over, and is in control, and not much can be done.   I know, that sounds defeatist.   But I can see how the fat had sucked the energy and the life from him.   I know, fat is not a metaphor, but I guess I need to get a grip on this, and making things a bit less about biology and more about the mystery of the human body helps.   Or at least doesn't hurt...    LIATS
I feel the same way.  I feel as though he has just given up and is waiting to die.  Or else he gets a glimmer of possibility--talks positively once in a blue moon--hopes rise--only to sink into fatalism.

I believe that the trick here is to go on, to draw boundaries, to do nice things (I took the kids to a nice restaurant yesterday to celebrate my middle-schooler's acceptance into a regional orchestra--wa-hoooo!--while hubs was still in bed; then we went to a Yu-gi-oh trading place and hung out with unsavoury types who actually turned out to be very nice. My adventure.)

And now I have to do my work.  Wish me luck.  Thank you.
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Sexy Mom Sexy Mom
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

I find your comments pretty spot on, Mme. X. I agree. We had "sex" two days ago...ten minutes in all, and he fell asleep partway. He has no stamina. Yesterday I got pretty worked up thinking about the future...whatever future is in store for me. I've started to contemplate the possibility of a life after him...which is sad in a way because I feel I've given up. In a way I have. I don't know if I could forgive him if something happened because of his unwillingness to do something effective. I think deep down I'd resent it because I've done everything I could think of and more to get the message across, even therapy on my own to help me focus on it from a different angle and try to tackle it with another tactic...My older son sees his dad as incapable of helping himself. I don't think it's a positive role model for them. And also, reading what LIATS said, I have also wondered if his eating has something to do with me. I used to think I could modify it, but my therapist said that ultimately, it's his responsibility. So no more excuses. There are times I can feel the love dying. Yesterday, people told me I looked ten years younger. My husband laughed it off and they looked at him like he was blind.
Mary Mary
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

In reply to this post by Mme.X
to celebrate my middle-schooler's acceptance into a regional orchestra--wa-hoooo!--


 Congratulations!

 Doesn't surprise me - you have great sensitivity & intelligence.
 Have fun with the  unsavory  people. Yu often find they make the best friends.




Mary Mary
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|  
Report Content as Inappropriate

Re: Let's make...love (or is it just a thigh workout)?

In reply to this post by WuKong
WuKong-- I find that a sad comment for many reasons.

 Overwhelmingly , i see there are just so many other things that ought to be  at the top of the list if a man is married to a overweight woman-

 Concern for their health - sadness that you can no longer go dancing - or camping - or hiking - or play with the kids in the park..

 It was also an awfully  personal comment about the woman your married to. I just somehow find that rather offensive -  almost like a betrayal.

 Says something too about a man who would still have sex with his wife but say all those things & even worse feel them.

 If your feeling all those things but still having sex with her your giving off mixed messages.

 I cant see how anybody at all could ever have sex with somebody they feel the way about you just wrote.

What does that say about you.? - Of course thats only my opinion and others may disagree.

 Opinions change from person to person .

 Thats why we have forums and freedom of speech.  You put your feelings out there for the world net to see @ comment on. Even though I find your comment utterly distasteful  i  support your right to say it.

 You must be a very unhappy man. I  feel for you. Surely your wife knows how you feel. Of course if she feels its only about sex many women find that not only a huge turn off but an insult.
 Sex is only a small part of a marriage . If everything else is ok then usually that is also.

 You should talk to your wife.  She may be just as unhappy and want out too.

 Good luck!







 

Loading...