Losing weight AND friends?

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bana bana
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Losing weight AND friends?

This probably isn't even the proper forum for this, but has anyone else that's lost a significant amount of weight found that some of their friends don't want to hang with them anymore? I've got a couple girlfriends that don't call me and a few that make snarky remarks.

I wonder if this is just a woman thing or do men experience it?

Fortunately, I don't need to be around people as much as some others do, but I gotta admit it hurts a little bit when I hear I'm being left out of stuff.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
Mojo Mojo
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

bana wrote
This probably isn't even the proper forum for this, but has anyone else that's lost a significant amount of weight found that some of their friends don't want to hang with them anymore? I've got a couple girlfriends that don't call me and a few that make snarky remarks.

I wonder if this is just a woman thing or do men experience it?

Fortunately, I don't need to be around people as much as some others do, but I gotta admit it hurts a little bit when I hear I'm being left out of stuff.

There is an old saying, "You become your friends, so choose them wisely."

It may be more prevalent among females, but men do experience it as well.  A fit friend of a fat friend, is a constant visual reminder to the fat friend of what they should be doing or not doing.  Most people like people who do like they do-they want to feel accepted and like to have their feelings and beliefs validated.  If you are doing healthy and your friends are not, most likely your friends feel uncomfortable when you are around because they feel intimidated by your fitness.  They probably view your change in lifestyle as a snub to theirs, as if you are saying, 'I'm better than you', or as a challenge to change; and let's face it most people don't like to change regardless of what they might otherwise say.  This could be likened to a former alcoholic trying to mix back in with his former group of drinking buddies-they just don't mix well.  

Your former "friends" will probably try to break you down and encourage you to backslide into your old habits before they will accept you back into their full fellowship.  If you are truly committed to living healthy, you have to be willing to accept the fact that your circle of friends will change.  Don't worry too much about it.  You'll make new friends and be happier and definitely healthier; and who knows, maybe one or two of your old friends might follow your lead and rejoin you and your new group of fit friends.
Μολὼν λάβε!
formerfatty formerfatty
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

I've had a lot of people around the office (mostly women) make similar remarks, saying they're "concerned about me" (these people are mostly obese/morbidly obese and my BMI is well in normal) and accuse me of being anorexic.

I do agree that this phenomenon is much more prevalent among women.
bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by Mojo
Thanks for the input Mojo.

I've certainly compared overeating to overdrinking and drug-abusing enough to make that connection myself, but the difference I suppose is that overdrinking and drug-abusing aren't socially acceptable and overeating and obesity apparently are, so I see these ones on a weekly basis in my place of worship and at get-togethers. Drunks and druggies don't tend to hang at those places.

I agree I will have to accept that I will probably never be as close to them as I was unless THEY want to make some positive changes. When I totally mentally accept it, I suppose it won't bother me anymore.

formerfatty- I'm surprised by the number of girlfriends that joke about me being anorexic (losing too much weight, withering away to nothing, eat a donut, etc.) when I think I finally look 'normal'. I've seen pics of anorexics - they're skeletal. I'm 5'2" and am bouncing between 125-130. That's hardly underweight even though I have a medium-to-large frame. My biceps, triceps, deltoids, glutes, quads and calves are large and well-defined. Anorexics are not muscular and wouldn't survive a crossfit workout.

You know it's funny. I'd read these 'Dear Abby' or whoever letters from skinny women who're sick of their fat officemates or friends making disparaging comments of how skinny they are and I'd think 'oh just shut up and feel sorry for them'. But now that I'm on the receiving end of it, it's starting to tick me off. A couple of my girlfriends say something to that effect EVERYTIME I see them.

Heck with them. Kate Moss is right. 'Nothing tastes as good as fitting into smaller clothes' (or something like that).
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
formerfatty formerfatty
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

I think it's "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and boy do the FAs hate her for that.
Married2ASweatHog? Married2ASweatHog?
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

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The Buddhist Mortician The Buddhist Mortician
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I find this to be true. Generally, when people see me they make two assumptions:

a) That I must be very vain and trying to look pretty with all my working out
b) That I look down on people who don't make the same choices I do.

When I tell people I am working out in order to have functional muscle so that my life is easier, that doesn't compute. I'm female; I'm not supposed to be working out for any other reason than to look hot! (Assumption A leads to all kinds of comments about how much muscle I'm putting on and how I overshot the aesthetic ideal). Assumption B leads to people getting very defensive around me, which leads to a lot of reactive conversations that don't go well.

Women are catty-- there's really no way around it. I've got a few strikes against me in the socializing-with-women department, so I really just try to do my best and not react when people are nasty. But they can be quite nasty. Other thin women who ARE doing it all to be attractive are worse than fat ladies, who tend to just stare right through me or tell me all about how they played volleyball in college.
You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only. You have no right to the fruits of the work. Never give way to laziness, either.... Those who work solely for the fruits are miserable.-- Bhagavad Gita.
bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by Married2ASweatHog?
M2: Hey...you really are a nice guy!
Do you still have much of a relationship with your brother?
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by The Buddhist Mortician
The Buddhist Mortician wrote
I find this to be true. Generally, when people see me they make two assumptions:

a) That I must be very vain and trying to look pretty with all my working out
b) That I look down on people who don't make the same choices I do.

When I tell people I am working out in order to have functional muscle so that my life is easier, that doesn't compute. I'm female; I'm not supposed to be working out for any other reason than to look hot! (Assumption A leads to all kinds of comments about how much muscle I'm putting on and how I overshot the aesthetic ideal). Assumption B leads to people getting very defensive around me, which leads to a lot of reactive conversations that don't go well.

Women are catty-- there's really no way around it. I've got a few strikes against me in the socializing-with-women department, so I really just try to do my best and not react when people are nasty. But they can be quite nasty. Other thin women who ARE doing it all to be attractive are worse than fat ladies, who tend to just stare right through me or tell me all about how they played volleyball in college.
BM: I would say this sums things up exactly. Interestingly enough I first started my 'diet' not to lose weight but to see how little I could live on and still be healthy because I was concerned that I was too dependant on food (in other words - a glutton) and had literally given up on losing weight. Interesting that I finally was able to lose weight and it's been 11 months and as long as I keep counting calories and making exercise one of my priorities, I think this'll be my body for life (only I hope it'll keep getting better).

I've noticed defensiveness which is amazing since I'm not verbally criticizing anyone. I don't watch tv (don't even have a tv) and when friends come to my home for the first time and ask, 'where's your tv?' it's funny how they start defending they're own viewing habits or making explanations or apologies when I simply say, 'I don't have one.'

Recently at a get-together at a girlfriends I took a piece of desert (the last piece) and my girlfriend that made it said, 'oh good, take it...cuz I'm starting to put on weight.' WTH?! Sigh. And this girl is skinnier than me!
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by Married2ASweatHog?
M2: "The ovaries and adrenal gland of real  women don't produce 50% more testosterone than they should. "

I was definitely meaner when I was fat, but I didn't want sex as much (too tired). Would the extra testosterone have offset that and made me more sexual? My libido definitely spiked up about halfway thru my weightloss and is very high now.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
Married2ASweatHog? Married2ASweatHog?
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

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bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

Married2ASweatHog? wrote
bana wrote
M2: Hey...you really are a nice guy!
Do you still have much of a relationship with your brother?
 Yes only because he owes me money.
hahahahahahahahahahaha

Your posts almost always crack me up. I really laughed out loud.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
graygirl graygirl
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by Married2ASweatHog?
Did you mention a while back that he was reformed now and much slimmer these days?

He should have appreciated all the free work.  Where would he have been without it?  Tell him not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
graygirl graygirl
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by The Buddhist Mortician
The Buddhist Mortician wrote
 Other thin women who ARE doing it all to be attractive are worse than fat ladies, who tend to just stare right through me or tell me all about how they played volleyball in college.
I don't quite get it .
The Buddhist Mortician The Buddhist Mortician
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

Well, it's a generalization based on my regular exposure to about fifteen women in classes, so take it with a grain of salt. :) And I reckon I should add that the female friends I have who are into fitness are very supportive and awesome. It's normal-sized ladies that don't work out who needle me, and I'm not sure if it's a combination of fear or what. Mostly the needling takes the form of, "Oh, well, that's very well for YOU, YOU don't have kids, a husband, a house, a full-time job, a club foot, or a hangnail." And that's true; I don't. But I have my own life and it's not like I'm a queen spider, lurking in the shadows, waiting to sink my poison fangs into their husbands.

You know, it's not serious animosity. It's like when you're in a relationship and no one else in your social group is. You're an odd duck out, and you're the odd duck in a way that makes the rest of the group twitchy, so.... they twitch. That's about all I mean by it.
You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only. You have no right to the fruits of the work. Never give way to laziness, either.... Those who work solely for the fruits are miserable.-- Bhagavad Gita.
bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

The Buddhist Mortician wrote
Mostly the needling takes the form of, "Oh, well, that's very well for YOU, YOU don't have kids, a husband, a house, a full-time job, a club foot, or a hangnail." And that's true; I don't. But I have my own life and it's not like I'm a queen spider, lurking in the shadows, waiting to sink my poison fangs into their husbands.  I love this, BM!
You know, it's not serious animosity. It's like when you're in a relationship and no one else in your social group is. You're an odd duck out, and you're the odd duck in a way that makes the rest of the group twitchy, so.... they twitch. That's about all I mean by it.
I totally get that. And it's not fair to say those things to you, because I'm sure you keep yourself busy. No one says it to me because I have all those things which would seem to be a presumably busy schedule. But I make the time for exercise.

"Oh, well, that's very well for YOU, YOU don't have kids, a husband, a house, a full-time job, a club foot, or a hangnail." And that's true; I don't. This is total bullcrap. These women make time to eat, watch tv, read, play on their pc's or smartphones, etc. I WAS one of these women.

Another girlfriend that's morbidly obese and has to work full-time told me she doesn't have the time for exercise when I stressed how important it is but she's also struggling with depression and anxiety. I told her, "if your doctor gave you meds, no one would criticize you for taking them because 'it's for your health'. MAKE the time for exercise because it's 'for your health' and if anyone criticizes you or whines about what you're taking away from THEM, remind them you'll be a better wife and mother, daughter, friend, coworker, etc. if you take care of your physical and mental health." She couldn't disagree with that, but whether she'll do anything...who knows. Probably wasting my breath.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by bana
Just had a girlfriend stop by because she was 'concerned' about my weight-loss. She's in good shape herself and I know is just truly concerned for my health. Now my husband is starting to get annoyed. I've been on the receiving end of several comments lately like: 'girl, eat a donut or something', 'eat a sandwich already', etc.

He asked me, "how would some of our fat friends feel if you went up to them and asked, 'Um, can you stop eating so much? Maybe back away from the donuts?'" In the same breath, though, he said, "don't try to lose anymore weight."

I'm 5'2" and just weighed myself. I'm 127 as of yesterday and according to my digital scale, I'm 27% body fat. I think that is pretty high. I am not underweight! I'm pretty muscular although in winter it's hard to see them since I'm bundled up. When I try to explain this I get 'the look' (you know - the one of 'she's in anorexic denial').

I think someone posted this on another thread but I guess we've just gotten so used to seeing overweight people that a normal-sized person looks alarmingly thin. Although I did ask one of my skinny girlfriends last nite if she gets comments like 'eat a donut' and she said 'no'. Maybe because she's always been slim and no one has watched her lose a lot of weight over a period of time like me.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
True_Blue True_Blue
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

bana wrote
I'm 5'2" and just weighed myself. I'm 127 as of yesterday and according to my digital scale, I'm 27% body fat. I think that is pretty high. I am not underweight! I'm pretty muscular although in winter it's hard to see them since I'm bundled up. When I try to explain this I get 'the look' (you know - the one of 'she's in anorexic denial').
 

No way is that underweight! I guess if someone loses a lot of weight quickly, people may be concerned that they're slipping down the anorexic path, but yeah, I think people may be starting to forget what "normal" looks like!

And don't try to explain - if people comment on your weight loss, just smile and say, "Thanks! I've worked really hard for it!"
Cheese&Wine Cheese&Wine
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

In reply to this post by bana
Lol! Even if you were anorexic, why would anyone suggest you eat garbage? Donut? Really? "You are looking pale, are you eating enough iron?"= possible concern.  "Eat a donut"= pure envy. Bana, you are at perfect weight, not too thin at all.
bana bana
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Re: Losing weight AND friends?

Thanks for tip TB! I shouldn't even bother to explain. Just say 'thanks' and change the subject.

C&W: I'll try to remember that. Yeah 'eat a donut' is not real concern.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
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