My Husband is Enormous and I am Disgusted

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Sunshine Sunshine
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My Husband is Enormous and I am Disgusted

It seems like all he cares about are his model trains (his only hobby) and his work. He's self-employed, so he at least likes his work, but it also means that he sits in a chair all day hunched over a computer.
We haven't had sex of any kind in over 1 month, because I think of it and am disgusted. He has the body shape of a pregnant woman. If I wanted to have sex with a pregnant woman I would have married one!
His damned obesity means that he has ED AND preejaculation issues. It also means that his tonsils are always inflamed and his nasal passages are always clogged. He talks through his nose and it sounds like he's talking around a scuba mask! Plus his breath always stinks like an open sewer.
His stomach is... absolutely enormous. It sticks out so far that I can't even hug him. I can't put my arms around him. It hangs out from under his shirts. His pants hang off his butt because he won't buy the right size, and when he bends over you see 3 inches of hairy asscrack. He has C-cup breasts! The other day he dropped most of his fatty, disgusting "sausage cheddar breakfast sandwich" from Starbucks on the floor of my car and COULD NOT physically reach forward far enough to retrieve it! It laid there until I stopped the car and he got out of the vehicle, because his huge gross belly was in the way!!!
This weekend we were discussing me getting a new vehicle and he balked when I told him I wanted a Ford Escape, which is a type of small SUV. "But how will I fit inside it?" he whined. It took all my self-control not to shout at him that if he would lose even 50 pounds, he would fit in the damned seat better! He said that he wants me to get a larger, more expensive SUV so that HE can feel comfortable when he rides with me (which happens maybe 5 times a year). Really?! I didn't know that car makers produced seats to comfortably seat someone who weighs almost 400 pounds.
I have done everything- I have been kind and encouraging, we joined the YMCA, I have bought him vitamins and supplements to encourage detoxing, I initiated sex 4-5 times a week in an effort to get him doing SOME sort of physical activity- and all to no avail. He does not eat better, he does not eat less, he won't exercise, he refuses to do ANYTHING.
I have literally begged this man for sex, and IF it's the one time per week he actually wants it, he always refuses a second round because he's "too tired" after one 15-minute session. He's only 30! I've been told I am attractive, so it's hard to not take it personally when my husband refuses to have sex with me because he would rather go to sleep or play on his phone. As of right now, it has been over a month since we have had sex because I finally decided that if I was going to be miserable, then by God he's going to be miserable too. I know that that is a horrible sentiment, and I'm ashamed, but I'm also desperate.
I don't know what to do. I love him, but I'm so disgusted by him that I can hardly stand him. I feel so unfulfilled and lonely and angry at him. I have lost most of my respect for him by now. I hate this so much.
ron ron
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Re: My Husband is Enormous and I am Disgusted

Been there done that:

My wife 'Beverly' disgusts me as well. She spends afternoons at the food court in the nearby mall or binging on fast-food in her car.  At home, she closes the door to her bedroom and eat pizza and fried chicken for hours.  She is unable to control her appetite even when we ate out with our friends, causing stares, smirks, and catty comments with the way she tears into her enormous meals.  (Weddings, birthday parties, and holiday get-togethers with our families weren't much better.)  She has put on so much weight that she can no longer fit comfortably into any of her clothes. Her stomach hangs to her knees, unsightly rolls of fat dangle everywhere else, and her ass is a mile wide.  'I'll just start wearing a girdle when we go out,' she told her girlfriend on the phone.  People say of her that she 'let herself go.' In fact, it is a vicious cycle. The more the poor woman eats the heavier she becomes and the heavier she becomes the more she eats. Unable to stop eating, her weight has soared to over 400 lbs.. Her mother told her in front of me that 'she should ashamed of herself.'  Beverly could only hang her head and cry. Her obsession with food also took its toll on our marriage. We began sleeping in separate bedrooms, mainly because of her nightly habit of going downstairs for a 'snack' that would last for hours. When I confronted her during one of these binges, she appeared out of control, cramming food into her mouth non-stop. I pleaded with her to get a hold of herself, but she would only mutter over and over 'I want it so bad, I can't stop!'  She now constantly worries that I'm going to leave her for another woman and has stooped to begging me on her hands and knees not to when she starts to feel insecure, like when I turn away in disgust seeing her without any clothes on.  'What you can't stand the sight of me anymore,' she'll ask?
Jennifer Jennifer
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Re: My Husband is Enormous and I am Disgusted

Wow, Ron.  Good lord.

You know what?  Your wife sounds exactly like any other addict, just instead of heroin or alcohol, her drug of choice is food.  Given this fact, I think (unless you have already--I admittedly haven't read any of your other posts) you should confront this situation the same way you would if you were living with an addict of any other kind.

I used to watch the show Intervention a lot, and you should too, if only to get a sense of how addiction hurts not only the person with the addiction, but the people around them.  She needs to be lovingly and firmly confronted in the fact that you love her, but you hate her addiction, and you will either help her to begin to fight for her life and your marriage through recovery (there ARE groups and therapists for compulsive eaters and overeaters anonymous, just like AA), or you will have to free yourself from watching her die.

Seriously.  Watch some old episodes of Intervention on YouTube.  I bet you'll see a lot of your marriage in those episodes, and may gain some insight as to how to move forward.
mariah22 mariah22
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Re: My Husband is Enormous and I am Disgusted

In reply to this post by Sunshine
Well, so is mine and Im disgusted too.I'm a little slow to realize it, I do appreciate his encouragement of me, though, he works SO hard for our family, and is SO stressed by our kids. However, he brought on alot of the stress him self by not saying  no to them when they screwed up.  My husband looks like he is 9 mo. pregnant, and he keeps going on the same diet which doesnt work and he wont exercise by going to a gym.  At least he helps me with my kids who are ridiculous. i guess there is more to life than sex, correct?
bmstull11 bmstull11
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Re: My Husband is Enormous and I am Disgusted

In reply to this post by Sunshine
I just read your post, don't know how old it is, but man does it hit my nail on the head! Wow, I can't tell you how good it is to read there is someone else out there suffering with the same issues I am. I must thank you for that and I am going back to read more from your post, comments etc...and see if there is anything that can help me. I am also going to email it to my husband and tell him it is not just in my head, it is real and other women suffer from the same issues.

Barbara
disappointed disappointed
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Re: My Husband is Enormous and I am Disgusted

I'm sorry about my "Auto Response" screwing up the "Top 5 Subjects" Header on the Home Page.  I hope that this comment will kick this subject back up into the "Top 5 Subjects" Header where it rightfully belongs.