Obesity is morally wrong

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Ellen Ellen
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Obesity is morally wrong

I just want to say that I feel obesity is morally wrong. If you are a spiritual person and you believe that your body is a temple then you are sinning against God when you destroy what God has given you. If you believe that suicide is wrong then so is being overweight because it doesn't matter if you are killing yourself slowly or quickly, you are killing yourself. It's like living in a dirty house. Why would you want to live in a dirty house? Most people do not and you shouldn't expect your spouse (or lover) to, especially if it bothers him or her. From my past experience, people who don't lose weight just won't because they don't want to. They don't care. They are addicts. Their food is their addiction and their comfort and they won't change. Unless you are willing to deal with this for the rest of your life I am telling you now, GET OUT.  If you cannot love and accept your overweight partner then you will never be happy and you should just get out while you can.  
Food addiction is just as harmful to the body and a relationship as any other addiction like alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. They are all destructive. The one difference is that we do need food to survive while we don't need the others but when people live to eat instead of eating to live, they have a problem. When food or any substance becomes more important than the people you love or your own health, you have a problem. And sadly some people realize this too late. The problem with society is we have become so accepting of all these things. Especially weight issues. No one dare criticize people for being overweight anymore because it's a form of bullying. No one wants to hear honesty or the truth about their weight because it hurts. Of course it does. But that should be an indicator that something is wrong. Just like any pain you have in your body that tells you something is wrong and when you feel that pain it makes you want to fix it and treat the problem. But instead we tell people "it's ok" you are beautiful  no matter what, when the real truth is they are damaging themselves and the hurting the people they love.
sexy mom sexy mom
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Ellen,
I agree. I'm not tremendously spiritual , but I think you're right. Point taken.
WuKong WuKong
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Culture is influencing religion more than the other way around. Casseroles are just about as much a part of Christianity as The Bible.

I admit, the acceptance and even protection of gluttony in organized religion has really turned me off to participating with my faith. I can't think of a more obvious hypocrisy - it's almost as if fat is associated to saint-hood. If one is fat, it seems the Christian misconception is that the person has put off temptations of the flesh (strictly focusing on lust/chastity); completely ignoring that the idol they put before God is their own palate.
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -
  --  Socrates
Ellen Ellen
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I totally agree with you Wu. I see it every day and it IS hypocrisy. One of the problems is most people are very uneducated about diet and fitness and don't care. They are never told it's a sin or morally wrong. It take a little common sense really and also means having to face the truth. God did not give us junk food to nourish our bodies, he gave us meats, fruits and veggies and whole grains. WE added all the other crap. You don't have to be spiritual to believe it's morally wrong though. Our bodies are not meant to be obese. Nature provides food to us just like it provides food to the animals. Only fat animals you usually see are the ones the humans are feeding! We have to stop polluting our bodies with so much artificial crap. It's unnatural and unhealthy. If you don't love your spouse enough to shed the weight you are no better than the alcoholic, the drug addict or the smoker. No one would tolerate that and if they did it's because they DO love their spouse but its not fair that their addictive partner is putting them through hell and taking joy out of their relationship because they are so selfish not to stop eating and to take care of themselves. The "fat acceptance" in our society really angers me. And if you dare say anything you are considered the a-hole. People just want excuses these days to do whatever they want and live with no consequences about it.  It's sad and disgraceful.
bana bana
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I will say that in my religion, lack of self-control regarding weight is slowly coming under attack. It's slow and quiet but the pressure to get or maintain good health is definitely there.

We have many that aspire to do volunteer work at branch offices, printeries, missionary work and such. Those that are accepted are, amongst having very good spiritual qualifications, in very good health. Because they are supported in part by our society, our society will not take on health problems and excess weight is an indicator that health problems will show up sooner (usually).

Morbidly obese men are rarely sent out to give talks at other congregations. Obese are no longer used for photos in publications. They are not asked to take on as many privileges of responsibility because of the health issue. Men and their wives that take on the privilege of traveling work in supporting our congregations have checkups regularly and their weight and measurements are always taken and they're given reminders and encouragement to maintain their good health or they'll have to leave the work. This information has, of course, trickled down to us.

Talks are being given and information printed in our publications that puts overeating right there with abusing alcohol and fornication.

So I would say that gluttony is morally wrong (not my original thought obviously) but the harder-to-prove 'obesity is morally wrong'? That's why the pressure is quiet. If, for example, one has an illness that requires certain medications that can make it difficult to maintain a healthy weight - then that person is not immoral; although it would be hoped that the person suffering from that would take that in consideration in dealing with their own health. Also that is arguably a rare occurrence but weight is a touchy subject.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
Fat Stinks Fat Stinks
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Nearly every culture has the same view obesity and gluttony.

Obesity is the result of a "moral" failing but the gluttons do get a lot of help from doctors and they food industry.  We can call it enabling or accommodating but the fact is it is easier to get fat now than in was 50 years ago. That said, it is still within the glutton's power to reform.

What foods we eat and how much we eat is a choice.  When fat people pretend it isn't they are lying to everyone. When fat people blame everything but their own gluttony they are lying and they know it.

Obesity is beyond disrespectful. I places a burden on the entire family.

sexy mom sexy mom
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I totally agree with you, Fat Stinks.

That is exactly the problem with my husband. He does not see the issue for what it is:
a family issue, even though our oldest son has talked to him, so he knows it's not just me that thinks it. Also some friends of ours have tried to encourage him and make him "see the light", so far to  no use. He is trying to direct my attention to other things, complaining about trivial or non-existant things that I do wrong. It is never his fault. I have never said so or implied it. I have always been supportive and taken an active part in getting him to acknowledge it in the first place. And all the exercise/ encouraging/ lead by example/ control meals and shopping...etc...done it all. I am leaving in maximum two years unless there is a major change because he has also misspent a lot of money that was saved and we'd agreed on not touching except in an emergency.
I might be able to forgive for myself, but not for my kids. That money was not his-or mine-to spend on nothing at all. This is definitely not getting better, so I set a limit for the suffering. Two years ...either he gets it or I'm out. It's already been over a decade. Enough s enough.
Golfer1 Golfer1
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Fiancee's weight gain

I just found this blog out of desperation regarding my fiancée's weight gain the last 2 1/2 years.  When I first met her, she was about 180 lbs. and looked good.  However, over the course of the 2 1/2 years we have been together, she has gained at least 40 pounds.  I told her she looked good at 200 lbs., but she continued to eat out of control and is at least 240 lbs. (she won't tell me anymore out of shame and guilt).  

As a psychotherapist, who ironically enough specializes in addictions, I have been very, very patient and walk on "eggshells" when it comes to her weight.  I love her dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with her; but, if she continues to eat herself to-death, I don't want to marry her next year.  

When I think like this, I feel so guilty because I don't want to hurt her.

Although I am a therapist and know what I would tell my patients, I'm too emotionally involved with this that I am horribly mixed-up and feeling so guilty (even doing this!) that I need some input.  

Please help!!!  
sexy mom sexy mom
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Re: Fiancee's weight gain

Golfer, I get you totally.
That's why most of us here are still in our relationships. I know I shouldn't have to wait another ten years for my husband to change, but still I wait...
You are not yet married, so I'd suggest you talk about it seriously and try to make a plan together with her to get her weight down because it's not healthy and the older you get the worse it'll be...trust me, I know, as do so many others here. Give her time, be patient, but make it clear that you will not wait indefinitely and try to get her to believe in herself, that she's worth it and capable of doing it and that she'll have you there to support her. Just...don't wait, do it now. Once they get on the "I don't care,...it's too hard, what's the use" wagon, they won't budge, unless you give them an ultimatum.
I hope this can be of help to you. I wish you luck.
poolboy poolboy
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Golfer1, You're going to have to turn off your empathy and put on your tough-love outfit. You know the routine. She is letting food control her life and your relationship. I'm sure you have brought this up, because you know how important communication is. Make sure that she is exactly aware of how you feel,  without blaming. Tell her you love her very much, but you cannot accept life with an obese individual as a spouse. Postpone or cancel the wedding plans until this shows some progress. Give firm deadlines, and prepare your stuff to leave. Make sure whatever finances you've entangled get untangled right now. She will not change for you or herself. Maybe if she sees that you mean business, she will begin taking steps to fix it.
My opinion is that if she does make that change, it will NOT be permanent, and that you will be having the same conversation within a decade.
She's gained an unreasonable-obscene amount of weight very quickly. this will not end soon or quickly. Unless she is super tall, even 180 is heavy. Take a breath, be the 'bad guy', and let it go.
Walk walk walk now. It's what I should have done 20 years ago. You will be better living a life without this CONSTANTLY on your mind.
Out in public? she's the fat one. In bed? lights out. Cuddling? rolls of fat. Breath? bad. Medical conditions? you bet. outdoor activity /exercise? nope, too tiring, too much work. Clean house? nope- no energy. Watching her stuff her face? all the time.... I'm sure you've experienced some/all of this already. imagine in for the next several decades. Why would you sign up for that when you had the option to end it.
Look, break it off. If she mends her ways and finds a healthy life, then it does not have to be off forever, just until you both feel right about it.
bana bana
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In reply to this post by Golfer1
Golfer1 wrote
I just found this blog out of desperation regarding my fiancée's weight gain the last 2 1/2 years.  When I first met her, she was about 180 lbs. and looked good.  However, over the course of the 2 1/2 years we have been together, she has gained at least 40 pounds.  I told her she looked good at 200 lbs., but she continued to eat out of control and is at least 240 lbs. (she won't tell me anymore out of shame and guilt).  

As a psychotherapist, who ironically enough specializes in addictions, I have been very, very patient and walk on "eggshells" when it comes to her weight.  I love her dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with her; but, if she continues to eat herself to-death, I don't want to marry her next year.  

When I think like this, I feel so guilty because I don't want to hurt her.

Although I am a therapist and know what I would tell my patients, I'm too emotionally involved with this that I am horribly mixed-up and feeling so guilty (even doing this!) that I need some input.  

Please help!!!

I agree with Poolboy.

You're not married to her. I'm assuming there are no kids?

You're already talking about not marrying her when you promised to over a character flaw. You noticed her eating is out-of-control and you still dated her and became engaged to her. You don't have to be a therapist to know that things do not generally get better after marriage.

I feel I must word this delicately because my religious beliefs put engagement up there with marriage. So I personally could only break an engagement for a very, very, very serious reason. Because of that I can't advise you to break yours.

But I will say this...do not expect things to get better after marriage.

Do expect the weight to go to 300 lbs and more.

Do expect to have your life dictated by what she's comfortable doing at an enormous weight.

Do expect to deal with her major health problems that will come with morbid obesity.

Try not to have kids if you do marry her. You are choosing to marry a non-recovering addict. If you want to live with that, it's your prerogative, but don't put kids in that situation. It's really no different than if you were engaging a drug or alcohol addict.  

And, no, none of what I've typed is what a normal person would put up with so why did you choose this situation? No snark intended but you may benefit from therapy yourself. Should you choose to break up you may still find yourself in a similar relationship in the future. Some insight as to why you make the choices you do may be helpful to you to avoid that outcome.
Eric Bana is hot. Why? Many reasons. One reason is because he's not fat.
poolboy poolboy
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Re: Fiancee's weight gain

I thought ALL therapists had therapists.