Often, when cruising the blogs about our collective dilemma (fat spouse), you'll see where a man has posted a message seeking help and advice on how to deal with his problem.
The last one I saw was where some guy posted that he and his wife had a child 6 months ago, she had went from 95 to 150 pounds, and had not lost even a pound as of yet. He was concerned, and wanted his wife back. He wanted to find her attractive again, and wanted to be sexually active with her.
The vast majority of replies came from women. They called him a prick, said he was shallow and immature, accused him of emotional abuse or of manipulating the poor dear into marriage, and other things. Very, very few of them offered any type of helpful advice, but they bashed away at the poor guy and made no mention of the idea that being sexually attractive for your SPOUSE is important.
If you find one where a woman has posted about her spouse, the respondents are softer, not as spiteful, but are still recommending couples exercising, counseling, etc., and not really good at understanding the problem.
Hence my question, Why the male bashing?
One of the worst places to post, as a guy seeking help, is the Yahoo blog area. Many, many feminazis.
I believe to answer that question is to open Pandora's box. I'm not comfortable going there as I think it'll be wasted effort.
My simple, unhelpful and vague answer, would be it's because of our society.
I don't have a fix for relationships; at least none that I think anyone would agree to (regardless if they are correct and healthy). So, my simple and vague solution would be to tell men not to chain themselves to committed relationships. We're the "bad guy" no matter what we do, especially if it's ANYTHING that benefits ourselves. So, be a trapped "bad guy" or be a free "bad guy". To be a "good guy" requires a man to sacrifice his soul and become someone else's and society's slave; not an individual with their own needs and desires (society demonizes what's important to men).
That's my $0.02...
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -
Poolboy, I understand what you mean. Men are often seen as seeking only physical beauty and if a man says that his wife is no longer attractive to him because she has got too fat, even if he says explicitly that he's worried about health as well, people-women specially-will understand that he's complaining because his wife is getting ugly. We who are in this situation know just how much being misjudged hurts. All I can say as a woman is that, at least in my case, people don't give it a second thought that I will-of course!-stay by my husband because women are NOT shallow... This is extremely stupid. It has little to do with being shallow and a lot to do with feeling useless, powerless and scared in our marriage. And alone. But it's easier said than done to stick by an obese SO regardless of the future impact it may have on YOUR life and the impact it already having.
Wu- That's pretty much how I feel about it.
Sexy Mom, Thank you, that helps. As Wu pointed out, the answer almost is required to come from a woman. Any attempt that a guy would put to this would be shot down in most other forums.
The feeling alone, and powerless part makes a lot of sense. I mean, who doesn't want some control over their own future? If someone's spouse is dictating the course of their future - whether it is through abuse, addiction, obesity, gambling, dedicating themselves to some religious sect, - then isn't that unfair to their spouse? How is it an evil thing to want a healthy, shared relationship, then get beat up because one side of the equation refuses to man up, or sabotages the whole thing?