Subtlety is the Key.

classic Classic list List threaded Threaded
4 messages Options
Mr. Orange Mr. Orange
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Subtlety is the Key.

Alright, I've decided to give myself a name now on this forum. Not my real name of course but it will do. I was posting as Anonymous earlier today. I have come to the conclusion that subtlety is the way to go when encouraging your fat spouse to lose weight.

When and if you are forced into public with your porkypine, make sure to activate your lazer vision on every single attractive woman you see. Look her up and down, and grin devilishly. Pretend not to notice your grumpy glutton's glares.

I posted on another thread that you can play Dancing with the Stars with them. Give 'em the old dip and drop like that guy did to Kirstie Alley. It's even better if you take her out somewhere to do this. It's a form of humiliation that leaves her with no one to blame but herself.

Here's a deadly one. Weaken the legs on the family sofa so that when she sits, BLAM! She's so fat she broke the couch!

Buy her something 'sexy', if there is such a thing at 14+, and make sure it's a size or three too small for her. Even buying her some nice clothes one or two sizes too small can work.

Just up and throw out all the junk food in the house, saying when she whines that you are doing it for your own health, and maybe she should consider her diet as well. This will be taken as calling her fat, but hey man, she is! And you're not really saying that anyway.

If you're a dude, lose all your muscle mass and become a skeleton by starvation. Go on hunger strike. When your wife asks why, tell her that this is the equivilant of what she does to you. If you're a girl, put on twenty pounds. Fat men and women rarely appreciate other fat people for a partner, so if you show them how unattractive YOU are with pudge they will hopefully see how disgusting they are by comparison.

Take a recent picture of you and her, one that makes her look mammoth, and stick it next to the television. Whenever you guys are watching your favorite shows comment on how pretty so and so is, or look astounded, turn to her with a wonderous smile and say 'Wow, she's a good looking woman, huh?' Then do another lingering, lust-fueled take.

These are the best ways to motivate your spouse to lose some weight. Of course, these are only a few examples, there are many ways to ridicule in subtle ways so that your fatling is encouraged to drop the pounds.

Supergeek Supergeek
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Subtlety is the Key.

Wow, this is pretty passive aggressive.  You sound like a real hater.  Thank goodness I'm not in this sort of situation but I do feel for those that are trapped under the mass so to speak.    You seem to have a lot of anger Mr. Orange.  I hope you find happiness.  Perhaps more of an open discussion with some honesty  mixed in.  Just my 2 cents.


Mr. Orange Mr. Orange
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Subtlety is the Key.

I probably should have said that these are the steps you take once you've had 'the talk'. Obviously, honestly is the more reasonable approach but when playing Mr. Nice Guy gets you no where then it's time to pull out the big guns. That's where we play the passive-aggressive game of subtlety.

Chances are if you are mad about your spouses weight, you're probably already acting in a passive aggressive manner anyway.
Andrea T Andrea T
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Subtlety is the Key.

Love the tossing the junk food idea. Hub used to hide it from me so I didn't mindlessly eat it by accident.  Really, nobody needs that crap at all.