Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

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Huntingu1 Huntingu1
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Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

Just wondering why when people are overweight they lose there sex drive?? or so i have heard about other people. I know my wife has lost her sex drive big time, nothing like it was when she was in better shape. I dont think 10 - 12 times a year is a very high sex drive considering we had more sex then that per month before she got really heavy. Just wondering if anyone else experienced this? I mean she is definately not very attractive with her clothes off but i have never turned her down or said anything bad or belittling, assuming she is ashamed of her body or just doesnt get horny anymore. Very frustrating to say the least!!
disappointed disappointed
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

I think it's because for overeaters, who coincidentally end up becoming obese, eating is an erotic experience.  For them, eating is better than sex.  Read the book "Fat Girl" by Judith Moore.  She talks about the "food as an erotic experience" concept in that book.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

When my grossly obese wife was hospitalized, she sat around all day talking to other fatties about food.  It is part of being a glutton or food obsessed.  Even now I hear her on the phone with her friends talking enthusiastically about various dishes, desserts, snacks, and restaurants.  (I am also routinely subjected to her fulsome praise of these "delights.")  One of them is the man in whose room she would binge during her second hospital stay.  Believe me, they are not shy about discussing what they eat or even the amount of food they consume; it's as if they rejoice at the opportunity to fully reveal their true gluttonous selves.  Their binges themselves are, then, the sordid culminations of these manifestations, replete with unmistakable audio and visual evidence- in the form of moaning, groaning, grunting, and frantic movements- of the erotic pleasure they entail.  My wife once told a therapist that she was "disappointed" when her stomach became so full that she couldn't eat any more- even if she'd been binging for hours.  Having said all that, I have been told by medical professionals that there are serious hormonal issues entailed by obesity leading to a loss of vitality:

Therapist:  You agree Rebecca that there has been a loss of interest in sex on your part?

R: Yes.

T: Can you account for that change?

R: No, the urge just isn't there anymore.

T: Do you think it has anything to do with your weight?

R: I don't know (hangs head).
Damond Damond
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

I would like just to add something I experienced before I lost weight. I wasn't interested in sex that much, not because I replaced it with food, but because I found myself repulsive and was thinking how disgusting and deformed I looked like. Even though my husband, who was as thick as me, assured me that he liked me at any size, it did not help. Not only the sex, but our life together suffered because of my issues.
So, this could be another reason, although it is difficult for many people to realize it.
Andrea T Andrea T
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

Damond,
I'm right there with you. I've  never seen food as erotic (huh?) Or a replacement for sex. But  when I did face up to it, I felt repulsive because I was repulsive, compared to any  standard of  human health.
Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

In reply to this post by Damond
That strikes a chord, and matches up with what my OS has said to me. Notice that it goes against recent comments on the "What I Live With" thread about the grasping selfishness of OS's; at least in some cases, bashful insecurity can be a type of considerateness, not wanting to inflict oneself, or feeling oneself unworthy.

For me, though, I think food can be connected with sex.  I was bulimic in high school, and the eating "pleasure" so clearly (in retrospect) compensated with other pleasures that I was not getting, and an independence that I craved. Once I got my independence and went off to exciting graduate school, Chinese meals for 12 had lost their appeal.  And once I met my husband-to-be (eventually...), I would have traded meals for a nutrition patch, if I could have, so as not to have to waste any time with them!

Eating let me unleash my appetites while still being a "good girl"--and goodness knows, I see a lot of that personality profile where I work.  (And not just girls!  But the incidence of obese young men seems to have tripled from what I can remember...)  And my unprofessional, purely speculative, unscientific hunch is that a lot of these obesity cases do have to do with avoiding sex for some other reason. But who knows?

Thanks, Damond, for posting.
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

In reply to this post by Andrea T
All I know Andrea, is that I have caught glimpses of my wife, before I turned away in disgust, going wild with food, shoveling it in completely out of control.  Yet, to judge by the way she paraded naked around our hotel room this weekend and strutted around the pool in her swimsuit, she seems quite comfortable in her flesh, her immense girth and  husband's discomfiture notwithstanding.  She is definitely impotent, but the  cause appears physiological, rather than psychological.
Diet Coach Diet Coach
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

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Mr. Blue Mr. Blue
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

Here we go again with the abusive language that trivializes whatever else you are trying to say.  If you'd really like to join our conversation, why won't you tone down your angry rhetoric?  Look it's one thing for someone to come here and vent; I think we'll all you that such outbursts are born of frustration.  But you seem hell bent on abusing people just for the sake of abusing them.  And for the life of me, I can't figure out why you are picking on food addicts and their spouses/caregivers.  Aren't their other groups out there for whom your vitriol would be more appropriate?
Mr. Blue Mr. Blue
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

I mean 'we all KNOW that such outbursts are born of frustration.'  Sorry for the typo.
Frustrated09 Frustrated09
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

In reply to this post by Huntingu1
Huntingu1 wrote
Just wondering why when people are overweight they lose there sex drive?? or so i have heard about other people. I know my wife has lost her sex drive big time, nothing like it was when she was in better shape. I dont think 10 - 12 times a year is a very high sex drive considering we had more sex then that per month before she got really heavy. Just wondering if anyone else experienced this? I mean she is definately not very attractive with her clothes off but i have never turned her down or said anything bad or belittling, assuming she is ashamed of her body or just doesnt get horny anymore. Very frustrating to say the least!!
According to Kinsey -

16-20 have sex on average 3.7 times per week or 192 times per year
21-25 3.0 or 156
26-30 2.6 or 135
31-35 2.3 or 120
36+ 2.0 104

I'm in the 36+ group and average once per month, or about 11.5% the average

I attribute this to many factors: 1) She is constantly ill 2) She only showers about once every 3 days, so I am repulsed 3) She has this huge panny that gets in the way 4) She has no energy 5) At best, even when she was 115 pounds we had sex once per week and this was when we were in our mid twenties  
Andrea T Andrea T
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

I have to wonder how much the diet plays into it. I spent a month as a vegan, and it did not agree with me at all. If it works for others, thats  fine, but my body HATED it, and it's still getting hormonally back on track (don't ask , fellas). The weirdest part was that my  sex drive completely evaporated. Grains and refined sugar do weird  things to me.

The other part, at least we me is, if I know he's not attracted to me, I'm not  going to force it on him by initiating anything. Of course, once  the scale reads  130, He'd better look out  and  take his vitamins.
Frustrated09 Frustrated09
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

Andrea T wrote
 Of course, once  the scale reads  130, He'd better look out  and  take his vitamins.
That's Awesome
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

In reply to this post by Frustrated09
'She has this huge panny that gets in the way.'

Before fatty lost altogether her libido, and even during her lay there and stare at the ceiling phase, she solved this problem by wearing a crotchless girdle.  Not exactly Victoria's Secret, but it worked.  My biggest turn off were her immense cellulite filled thighs.  It's called averting your glance.  (We actually had a great sex life until she started putting on weight.  For years, we did it almost every night, believe it or not.)  She once told me that when her fat friend's husband does her, they have a 3rd party come in and push her massive gut out of the way.
Frustrated09 Frustrated09
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Re: Why do overweight women/men (my case a woman) lose sexual appetite!!

Mr Blue wrote
She once told me that when her fat friend's husband does her, they have a 3rd party come in and push her massive gut out of the way.
 That is wrong in so many ways