X has sex! (sort of)

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Mme.X Mme.X
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X has sex! (sort of)

Well, this weekend was a break through. I had anxiety dreams on Friday and crept downstairs into Hubby's bed, and one thing led to another. I was on the verge, at first, when snuggling, of talking--of saying, "I miss what this used to lead to!" Instead, I decided to kiss him (or was it he who decided to kiss me?), and his enthusiasm led me to feel that other portions of him were beginning to share it. He seemed so happy, and I was quite happy, too--for the most part, just because it felt wonderful to kiss so whole-heartedly, and then decided to see if I could offer some assistance to nether regions struggling to rally. That had limited success, although it resulted in such groans and exclamations as to make me feel alternately thrilled at the development but pity at its plateau of frustration. Then, we reversed, and--much as it always perplexes me--there seems nowhere that he's happier, and he seemed so happy he was chuckling. I'll never get why he likes it, even though when I am offering it to him, it seems to me most delightful...but imagining offering it to a woman?!!! What's worse, I'm not sure I'm into receiving it that much either . I mean, it's okay, but the thing I was really looking for was not cooperating, alas. But we still had fun and snuggling until, according to the predictable rhythm of married life, a pitter patter and sleepy voice on the stairs caused us to whip our shirts on.

Later that day, he kept kissing me, and I kept hugging him. I didn't want to say too much. But when we had a few minutes together, I said how great it was to enjoy each other again. He agreed. I asked him at some point to share his fantasies with me. He replied, "You." No, really, I said. You, he repeated. That felt awfully nice! But sensing that "I" was not enough to offer the support that would make the experience as good as it could be for him, I said (oh, no, was it too soon? was it a mistake? was I being critical?), that it would be great to keep doing it, and that I sensed his frustration at a certain point, and that that was a very very common (even normal) thing to happen, and was he averse to seeking a medical enhancement of some sort that is commonly used?  He said, No, he was not averse. I was quietly overjoyed to hear it. I said that I would leave it to him and not bug him, and that I just wanted to enjoy him more.

So--I think this is a happy posting, even though half an hour of foreplay after years of nothing is just enough to quietly drive me insane, and even thought by the next day, he seemed a bit annoyed at me. But no doubt he is frustrated, too. But I might also have been wrong to make the suggestion I did, even if it was out of eagerness. But he did say, "Now you can't say we're not married."

Small steps.

Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
yorktown38 yorktown38
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Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: X has sex! (sort of)

Thanks, YT. "Descendre à la cave"--I love it! And thank you for the tips. Unfortunately, after the episode, I rushed off to do my soccer field marshall duties, and he fell back asleep and missed the swimming. Then bought ice cream. I fear that I shouldn't have said anything about the other--I won't again! But, oh, it is so frustrating. And I feel that if I did do the wrong thing in suggesting a Plan (even if it was in the context of wanting more), I don't know how I can repair the damage other than not bringing it up again. Anyhow, I'll follow your other advice and, well, wait and see if anything develops. sigh
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Huntingu1 Huntingu1
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Alas is that all we live for is a fleeting touch and then nothing more! Have we been programmed to feel like we are the problem and that they are not? Sorry X but i cannot help but feel sorry for you(and my) predicament of the sexless partners and our pathetic attempts to repair there lost libido! Similar things have happened to me as well and you think you have made a break through and it just cycles back to the same old crap! Not feeling to happy about my sexless, touchless, no feeling life either, oh well such is the lot in life in chose, so live with it or change it i guess! Talking to myself now! Oh well good luck X!
Huntingu1 Huntingu1
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In reply to this post by Mme.X
Alas is that all we live for is a fleeting touch and then nothing more! Have we been programmed to feel like we are the problem and that they are not? Sorry X but i cannot help but feel sorry for you(and my) predicament of the sexless partners and our pathetic attempts to repair there lost libido! Similar things have happened to me as well and you think you have made a break through and it just cycles back to the same old crap! Not feeling to happy about my sexless, touchless, no feeling life either, oh well such is the lot in life i chose, so live with it or change it i guess! Talking to myself now! Oh well good luck X!
Mme.X Mme.X
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Re: X has sex! (sort of)

Thanks, H, for your posting and sympathy. I hope you enjoyed the elk hunting, by the way, and it's so nice you're back!
Huntingu1 wrote
 oh well such is the lot in life i chose, so live with it or change it i guess!
Yes, I think this, too. But I also assess the whole package, and the other parts aren't so bad. And to what extent did we choose the lot? Did we know? I suspect I did see signs then, but did not think that they would turn this way. I also wonder to what extent I am reinforcing the pattern, rather than just having chosen it.
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Andrea T Andrea T
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Hunting,  
Was the no sex/  no touching already  something that was missing before you had the fat talk?  It may be chicken/ egg but It's hard to  approach someone  when you feel like Jabba, or  don't want to look like the old  comedy  bit of the horny   fatty  on Married with Children.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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Re: X has sex! (sort of)

In reply to this post by Mme.X
And what a breakthrough it was!  Truly almost a minor miracle.  Sorry I didn't respond sooner; I thought that the post had to do with someone's ex becoming romantically involved with a new partner.  All I can say is that you must content yourself with baby steps.  This opportunity may never again surface.  Impatience right now would definitely lead to disaster.  So rejoice in having recovered even part of your lost intimacy.  When he says that he is willing to consider medical procedures to fully solve the problem, you are well on your way to a complete solution.  What could have caused such an epiphany?  Is it also manifesting itself in other areas of his life?  Does he seem more energetic vis-a'-vis other activities?  How is his overall demeanor?  I have to believe that he is in the process of restoring his joie de vivre.

Meanwhile fatso continues to feast on all manner of greasy fried foods, not to mention baked goods.  Her mother paid us a surprise visit last weekend and found Becky in her room binging on sweets.  What's worse, she now knows our sleeping arrangements.
Huntingu1 Huntingu1
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In reply to this post by Andrea T
Andrea,
No the no touching/ no sex thing has slowly became a part of life, it wasnt always like this but has descended into this. I am not at all turned on by how she looks or acts for that matter, i cant stand lazy people or rolls of fat hanging off someone so in part i guess my repulsion has brought this on but i cannot change the facts. I am not built or programmed like that, there has to be some semblance of a female shape does there not???? Maybe it is just me but i think a woman should have a womanly shape not a blob of cellulite! Well i am not a whiner and the path i am on i chose so se la vie! It is up to  me to do something about it i guess.
Mme.X Mme.X
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In reply to this post by Mr Blue
Thank you, Mr. Blue.
Mr Blue wrote
When he says that he is willing to consider medical procedures to fully solve the problem, you are well on your way to a complete solution.
I don't know about complete, since he has not actually acted upon that option (not so much 'procedure' as medication), and since the underlying problems won't be solved by a pill. Still, his pants are hanging on him, and he has now been swimming, I think, four or five times. And our discussions about intimacy have gotten productive, not just guilt-ridden or accusatory. That's due to him. He's the one being healthy. He's the one open to my needs, and our needs, and, I hope, his needs.
Mr Blue wrote
Her mother paid us a surprise visit last weekend and found Becky in her room binging on sweets.  What's worse, she now knows our sleeping arrangements.
I'm sorry. But maybe having things out in the open is better in the long run. I know about the embarrassment in sleeping arrangements, which is why I carefully deflate the air mattress before babysitters arrive, once in a blue moon when we go out...
Madame X (detail), John Singer Sargent, 1883–84, oil on canvas, 82 1/8 x 43 1/4 in. (208.6 x 109.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
LiveLifeWell LiveLifeWell
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What's worse, she now knows our sleeping arrangements.

Mr. B,
Is this really such a bad thing?  I'm sure most people already assume you do not sleep together. I would think Becky's sheer size alone would make that arrangement not only physically uncomfortable for you but possibly even impossible.  I imagine she occupies most of, if not all of the space on the bed.  

With all that you sacrifice for her and the children you (at the very least) deserve a peaceful night's sleep.
Mr Blue Mr Blue
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'Still, his pants are hanging on him, and he has now been swimming, I think, four or five times.'

While not ACTING precipitously, you have every reason to be brimming with optimism.  I have seen this happen with other guys, X: the fitter they become they more inclined they are to exercise; it's synergistic.  Longing again for you X, he desires intimacy, a function of his new found self-confidence, born of vigorous activity.  (Sedentary ways are the bane of scholars.)  That air mattress is not long for this world!  All you need to do is amply demonstrate that you are overjoyed by even the small amount of intimacy that has been regained.

Re. our "arrangements," I know it's only a matter of time before that proud old woman is going to say something to her daughter about  them.
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