i just wanted to share a quick story. my high school sweetheart and i reconnected after 7 years. we fell instantly in love again - FIRST DATE instantly! - and committed to the relationship pretty quickly. at the time, i was 26, 5'4" and 239 lbs. even though i hated how much i weighed, boyfriend always told me i was beautiful and wonderful and that he was going to spend the rest of his life with me.
fast forward 6 months. one day, seemingly out of the blue, he told me that my weight "bothered" him, and that i needed to lose some. i was so offended and hurt that i didn't speak to him for a few days. when i finally called him, i raged: "why did you lead me on? why did you always tell me i'm beautiful and sexy if you didn't mean it? what do you want from me??"
and he told me that he loved me from the beginning and thought that the weight was something he could overlook, but over time he realized that he's simply not attracted to fat. and what did the future hold? he said he couldn't imagine life without me in it, but if i was already 100 lbs overweight, what would i weigh when i was 40? 50? he said he understood that we're going to get older and look like crap eventually, but why not look incredible NOW, when we're young? he said all he wanted from me was for me to lose weight and be the confident, sexy woman he knew i could be. because other than the fat? i was the perfect woman for him.
as offended as i had been, i realized that this man really did love me. he wasn't attracted to my body from the beginning, but treated me so well and with such love and care that i never knew until he said something. so i agreed to lose weight, for US.
it has been the best decision of my life. i got into bodybuilding and i'm down 62 lbs. my figure is incredible. i am back at my college weight, but since i've been gaining muscle and losing fat, i'm swimming in those clothes. boyfriend and i always had a great sex life, but because i am smaller and more easily maneuvered in bed, things are WAY hotter! shopping is fun again, and now that i learned HOW to eat properly, eating is too. and above all else, my confidence is soaring (it feels SO good to see those heads turning for me again).
i still have 38 lbs to go before i'm back at my high school weight, and after that, some more pounds of bodyfat to go. (my super secret goal for myself is to get down low and enter into a bikini contest!) i'm not done with my journey yet, but i feel so positive and optimistic about everything in the future.
i just wanted to share this because i am writing about my experience, and had searched "my boyfriend wants me to lose weight" to see how other women reacted to their boyfriends/husbands bringing it up for perspective. i was really surprised to find that so many women, even those who were grossly overweight (100 lbs+ overweight), were so resistant to the idea. but once i started reading between the lines, i realized that it was more an issue of feeling insulted, rejected, and offended that prevented them from taking action. i wish they didn't perceive it that way. don't let spite prevent you from getting healthy and happy! my life has changed so much since i started this journey, and if this man didn't love me as much as he does, i would have never started it on my own.
it can be done. if you're the fat spouse, you CAN do it. and if you're the fit one, your love can help make it happen. i had to know for sure that he was in it with me; once i did, that's all i needed.
your post has made my day!
I am so happy for you, as you have not only gotten hot looking (bodybuilding is very sexy for women) but have also increased your life span by decades and well, the skies the limit!
We both know that starving ourselves through calorie restriction doesn't work, and that lifting weights and eating LOTS of healthy food not only changes our body shape but our brain chemistry as well.
Being offended, like you said, by having a spouse ask one to lose weight is just another sign of estrogen dominance, something most Americans struggle with. isn't it amazing how our hormones balance out when we get fit and strong?
a HUGE thank you to both of you, mountain and popsicletoes! i just can't get over the positive impact this has had on every area of my life, and want to shout it from the mountaintops.
bodybuilding IS amazing for women (particularly for those of us who are control freaks!) not only because of the sexy curves we develop, but also because adopting the lifestyle puts US in control, instead of food. i think it really changes your attitude when you get to know how your body works and what it needs. and also, when you lift a bag of potatoes or whatever, seeing that awesome bicep flexing doesn't hurt either!
i just hope that maybe my story can help at least one person out in the world, because i was THERE. with PCOS, insulin resistance, and pretty severe depression, i managed to do it. it's not impossible. "it will happen if i will it to happen!"