more than ready to give up

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huskyfan huskyfan
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more than ready to give up

been married almost 20 years- my wife has always been somewhat overweight but now it completely out of control- She is easily 100+ pounds over- Lazy- snores- I have lost all respect-  I have had the "health" talks etc etc-... My issue is that I have checked out mentally a while ago- Lost interest etc-  when I bring it up about her trying - she just says- "well you stopped trying too - to love her" is what she means-  So she is right in that sense but How do I get her to understand she was the cause of me being disinterested?   I guess it's the whole- which action caused which first?  I won't argue I am disinterested and Cannot show her affection- but how do I get her to believe its HER-   My guess is she is in denial.... I need help-   every time we discuss it- blame gets shifted to me for not loving her.......... I just can't
mountain mountain
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Re: more than ready to give up

You know there is really nothing you can do until she decides she needs to change. Then you might be able to help her
by supporting her, exercising with her, cooking healthy meals with her....but she needs to decide to change first.
I know it sucks big time!
LivingALie LivingALie
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Re: more than ready to give up

Dear huskyfan,

I am sorry you are going through this painful dilemma.  I understand completely.  I do think though that there is more than her weight gain that has made you lose interest.  Perhaps you were becoming this way before the out of control weight gain and she felt it.  It may be that she became depressed and couldn't get out of it.  If she feels you won't love her weight or not, she has no motivation.  I am not saying this is your fault one bit, we cannot help the way we feel.  She needs to get to the root of the weight gain and take personal responsibility for her health and her future happiness whether it is with you or not.  You need to figure out if it is really the weight gain that has made you fall out of love or if  it has just become an easier excuse to use.   My story is on here somewhere just so you know I am not judging and honestly understand.

Good luck to you and in the meantime this is a great place to vent, if only for a moment of inner peace.
disappointed disappointed
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Re: more than ready to give up

I'm sorry about my "Auto Response" screwing up the "Top 5 Subjects" Header on the Home Page.  I hope that this comment will kick this subject back up into the "Top 5 Subjects" Header where it rightfully belongs.